Using Popular Culture To My Advantage

My oldest loves that '70's show. We all do, truthfully. I know, I know, it's not exactly wholesome viewing material, but it's damn funny. And I get so tired of being the media nazi that I make exceptions now and then.

Hey. Don't judge me. I could be letting them gorge themselves on extreme fetish sex on the pornternet.

We laugh, because my oldest is incredibly smart, but also very stupid. Ever know somebody like that? They can solve mathematical theorems in their sleep but they forget to change their underwear?

For this reason, his peers have dubbed him Kelso. Not only does he act like Kelso, he looks like Kelso. And oddly, his best friend is the personification of Eric. It's kind of funny and really frightening at the same time. I should take a picture.

Anyway...trivia and dialogue from the show has made it into our household vernacular and is employed as often as humanly possible.

One of their favorite expression and pastimes, is "BURN". They love to burn one another, and, of course, they love to point out when one of them has been burned, particularly if it is an exceedingly witty and salient burn.

The mac daddy of all burns, is the "Octoburn"; or, eight burns in one.

To whit:



Octoburns are rare, but beautiful things.

But let's meander on to my point.

The other day, Pubescent One was insisting that I "owed" him a soda, because I drank the one he left unattended. For six hours. It was warm. It was flat. And it was mine to begin with. I keep plenty of other crap nutritious beverages in the fridge for them, but the Pibb Zero is MINE. It's my last vice. And I guard it with a fierceness that is well documented.

There were two left. And I wouldn't give him one.

"But you OWE me one, Mom."

"OWE you? I OWE you a soda? You owe me LIFE. How 'bout that??"

Eric, I mean er...Michael, who was listening to the exchange, gasped loudly.

"BURN!" he said with glee. And then,

"Dude. That was worse than an Octoburn. That was like...an ETERNAburn. You can never top that, man."

Pubescent One dropped his shoulders and hung his head, aware that he had been beaten.

Red would be so proud.