Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Beautiful Liar

Beware, I am about to gush about my husband. I know. Gag me.

Most of you guys know that I am ridiculously lucky when it comes to my spouse. And I don't talk about him much, other than in passing, because the thing about having a good husband is....nobody really wants to hear how good your husband is, especially if their husband is a real shitheel.

It's kind of like someone else saying to me, "I try and try and I just can't put on any weight!"

If not an outright invitation to get bitch slapped, at the very least, it smacks of bragging.

I also don't complain about him because most of the women in my life to whom I could complain have very little sympathy when Husband does do something....husband like. Many of them would gladly take him off my hands. Women just like Husband. They always have.

Anyway, last night we had an experience that just typifies why my Husband rocks and I thought I would share it with you all, because I'm generous that way and because nobody in my real life wants to hear about it.

I've had a migraine for several days, and I've been fairly miserable because I have a thing about taking drugs. The thing is, I don't. They freak me out. But last night was the first and only night out of the entire week that we had at home together as a family and I was determined that we would have a nice meal together.

Having lived on hastily gulped sandwiches and/or fast food for far too many days to count, I was looking forward to eating a meal that required silverware.

I seared the roast well on both sides, carmelizing the onions and creating a rich broth. Then I put it to slow cook in the covered electric skillet. I added carrots and potatoes a while later. I made a nice caesar salad. Everything was going well.

But if you suffer from migraines you know that it's sometimes difficult to perform every day tasks because you just aren't thinking straight.

My last step was to make gravy. I'm pretty good at gravy if I do say so myself. But I could not find the new box of cornstarch I had recently purchased. I was annoyed, but it was no big crisis. I can make gravy with flour if need be. I just strain out the lumps and nobody is the wiser.

I did find a small bit of cornstarch in a Pampered Chef shaker/sifter thingy that I use to add flour and/or cornstarch to recipes. It was about half full and I thought that miiiiiiiight be enough. It wasn't. I added it to my drippings only to find that, oddly, it did not thicken the mixture at all.

So I reached for the flour, stirred it into some hot water and then added it to the skillet. I watched with gratification as it thickened into a sumptuous brown gravy. There were a few lumps, but I strained them out and the gravy looked almost good enough to photograph.

I called everyone to the table, brimming with domestic pride at the meal I had prepared for my hungry family. All I needed was a day dress, an apron and a towering bouffant.

Husband fixed a plate for each of the boys, without gravy. Amazingly enough, they have not inherited our love of artery clogging ambrosia.

Then each of us piled our plate high and poured gravy liberally over the meat and potatoes. The smell wafting up from my plate was delicious, migraine notwithstanding. I inhaled appreciatively and husband did the same.

As it happened, I took the first bite.

At first, my mouth was so shocked that it just couldn't process the unexpected taste. Instead of the savory, salty, meaty encountered a confusing sweetness. It didn't entirely compute.

I stopped mid-chew and sat there for a moment, confounded.

Then I remembered and snorted. I giggled. The giggle gave way to a guffaw. I was well and truly amused but also annoyed with myself.

Husband asked what was so funny. I told him to take a bite and he did so, never expecting the truly startling combination of animal by product and confectioner's sugar.

You see...several weeks ago Husband made brownies for the kids. Apparently, someone, and I'm honestly not sure which one of us it was...used my shaker/sifter thingy to dust the brownies with a uniform layer of powdered sugar. Instead of discarding the powdered sugar or better yet, putting it back in the package from whence it came, someone left it in the shaker/sifter thingy, where, weeks later, it would be found and mistaken, quite reasonably, I might add, for cornstarch.

Seriously. Put powdered sugar and cornstarch side by side and try to tell them apart. Okay, okay. But NOW pretend you have a migraine the size of Detroit and that your vision is peppered with lovely but inconvenient amorphous blobs. Then pretend that you are breathing out of your mouth because when you have a migraine, random smells can render you immediately and violently ill.

See what I mean?

I should have been tipped off by the fact that the "cornstarch" completely dissolved when I added water, instead of making a nice milky looking gravy base as cornstarch does. And I should have been tipped off when it didn't thicken the drippings even a little.

But you know...the migraine...she makes me stupid.

So I suggested that we scrape our plates into the garbage and start over. But Husband wouldn't hear of it. He ate every bite with gusto. He proclaimed loudly and enthusiastically that it was the BEST gravy he ever had, hands down.

"Wolfgang Puck would never do something that innovative with gravy."

And that, ladies. Is why my husband rocks.

Jealous much?


  • At 8:56 AM, Blogger Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said…

    When we were first shacking up, I made pancakes from scratch. Not sure what I did, but they came out panrocks. I loaded up KAATN's plate with a tower of rock-cakes and watched him eat them all while I cooked more for myself. I took one bite, spit it out and looked at him in sheer horror - partially because they were disgusting, partially b/c he had eaten them all. I chucked mine off the back deck and they actually landed with a thud, the dogs sniffed them and turned away. Again, I looked at KAATN in amazement. You know what he said, "I thought they were supposed to be like that."
    I think they know they'll get a little action for doing good food deeds like that, just a theory.

  • At 10:33 AM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said…

    He DOES rock, I'm just glad that you know it and acknowledge it. And therefore, you rock.

    Sorry about that migrane business...

  • At 11:06 AM, Blogger Amie Adams said…

    He deserves to be lauded for that. I'm glad your husband appreciates what a fine woman he has.

  • At 1:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    He does rock! I've got a pretty great guy myself although complaining about him is a favorite past time of mine. Hopefully he does the same about me. Every once in awhile a get a crazy idea to try some recipe and usually I end up messing it up. No matter how awful it tastes he eats it with gusto just so he doesn't hurt my feelings. Makes me all warm and fuzzy.

    Sorry about your migraine. I've never had one but I know several people who suffer from them and I know they can make life nearly unbearable.

  • At 2:02 PM, Blogger Cathy, Amy and Kristina said…

    Sadly, I could probably confuse the two even without factoring in a migraine. Because I'm absent-minded that way.

    Your husband most definitely rocks.

  • At 2:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    He rocks hugely! I am sorry to hear of your invidious migraine but thrilled that your obviously darling husband turned an easy oops into a wonderful display of good-natured and loving fun.

    My husband might well do the same (um, cinnamon and cayenne, anyone?), but I would probably hear about it for a goodly while...

  • At 3:28 PM, Blogger Liv said…

    I would suggest that you clone him and have his new twins stored in an underground bunker. You will receive instructions that will include the next directive shortly.

  • At 5:06 PM, Blogger Phoenix said…

    He's either the sweetest man in the world, or he has no sense of taste. ;)

  • At 5:20 PM, Blogger crazymumma said…

    That's nice. You worked really hard on that meal.

    Hope your head feels better.

  • At 6:23 PM, Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said…

    Yep, you're one lucky woman. Mine probably would have skipped the sugary meal in favor of the safer salad choice.

    Hope your head feels better! Migraines suck... the life out of you.

  • At 8:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hee hee, what a good guy. And I hope the migraine goes away.

  • At 8:35 PM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    I love it.

    I remember one time Dave was chomping at the bit to make this roast in the apple roast. He had a recipe and he was really excited to make it. I was pregnant with Julia and really wasn't all that keen on the idea of an apple roast, but I went along with it.

    When it was finally time to unveil the roast the smell in the kitchen was that of gym socks. And that's pretty much how the roast tasted...we immediately dubbed it the "Sweat Roast", and it's been a running joke between us ever since.

    Even though I was pregnant and severely nauseated by pretty much anything, I ate that stinkin' roast.

  • At 9:10 PM, Blogger Christine said…

    Aaaaaw, what a sweetie! Can I take up some of your comment space to say that my hubby is a sweetie, too...he brings me black coffee in bed every single morning, always lets me sleep in, and tells me daily how lucky he is to be married to me.

    The thing is, I'm the lucky one.

    Anyway, I wanted to tell you that your page loads waaaaaaaaaaay faster. HUGE difference. And thanks for your feedback regarding my feedburner issues; I've been tweaking things so I'm hoping your reader is full of my nonsense.

  • At 9:17 PM, Blogger Pgoodness said…

    That is a rockin' husband, for certain! And I feel your pain with the migraines...

  • At 10:01 PM, Blogger Tania said…

    He sounds like a great man, but I am more impressed with your ability to cook while you were suffering. I am familiar with the blobs/aura, which render me quite useless. I tend to put my head down and wait it out. BTW, TAKE DRUGS!!!

  • At 10:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Taco seasoning and cinnamon can be similarly confused when one has a sinus infection. I know form experience. And my husband was not so kind about the resulting tacos. Not that I blame him! Even with a sinus infection, it was bad!

  • At 12:36 AM, Blogger Creative-Type Dad said…

    Wow, that's a man's man you've got there!

  • At 6:19 AM, Blogger Unknown said…

    You are lucky to have a husband like him, and he is lucky to have a wife like you. I envy you both greatly.

    [wistful wondering - wonder if I will ever...]

    On the other hand, I do NOT envy you the migraine! Not nice at all.

  • At 10:59 PM, Blogger painted maypole said…

    i was jealous from the moment I read that he made brownies with the boys.

    Hope you are feeling better. I only have migraines for hours, I don't know how people handle them for days

  • At 8:05 PM, Blogger Mom101 said…

    Oh that's awesome. If that happened in our house it would be Nate messing up a ditch, me gently pointing out that maybe it was a little sweet (even as I finished it) and him being pissed all night.

    You go with your bad marriage, you!

  • At 2:22 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    Your husband rules!! Mine does too, so I'm not too jealous. ;) But I get you on the not trying to brag thing... I try to refrain most of the time, but he likes it when I don't. Anyway, hope your migraine is all gone by now!

  • At 4:48 PM, Blogger Mimi said…

    Awwww... that's so sweet!

  • At 6:31 PM, Blogger Code Yellow Mom said…

    sweet, sweet man.

    the first time my little sister made gravy (we took lessons from mom when we were girls) and i vividly remember taking a bite of it at the table. it was AWFUL (rather like burnt cornstarch lumps) - i reached for my water to wash it down and vividly remember seeing my sister's face, hopeful then sad and distorted, through the bottom of my glass. so i sat the glass down without having a drink and took another bite of the gravy. but that second bite was all i could do. he must really love you. lucky girl.


Post a Comment

<< Home