An Open Letter to the Parents in my Neighborhood, Part II

Alright, look....It's true I was going to be home anyway. I'm home everyday. You and I and every other parent in the neighborhood knows I am home every day. Because, I am a stay at HOME mom, and who the hell can afford gas to go anywhere on one salary anyway?

But the next time your kid shows up at my house at 10:00 am, announcing that he can stay until 4:00 pm, he better have a fucking lunch packed. Bologna and Wonderbread aren't cheap, especially when I'm feeding all the other kids in the neighborhood whose parents can't be bothered to, you know...PARENT them. You might also include a couple envelopes of Kool-Aid and a pound of Dixie Crystals. Because in case you weren't alive today, it was 97 degrees outside and kids go through a lot of friggin fluids in this kind of heat.

Also, if your kid is going to show up at the pool with the understanding that I will be supervising him, it's kind of important to let me KNOW that I will be supervising him, so I don't look around wondering who's supposed to be saving him if he begins to drown. You see, I often do not wear a suit to the pool. Since both of my kids are strong swimmers I can do that, but generally, when a kid depends on water wings AND a noodle to stay afloat, I like to be prepared.

As a side note, please inform your child that cats are not really down with having their ears taped together, and that since fish aren't really fond of cats, it kind of freaks them out if you put one in the aquarium. You might also mention that cat food is for cats and fish food is for fish, and the next time my cat horks up a whole can of Tetramin on the bed your kid will be sent home wearing the soiled bedsheets like a Toga.

And not that I'm complaining about how much time he spends over here, but when a child I didn't personally give birth to saunters through the living room with a pilfered Maxim under his arm and announces that he's going to go "Sink the S.S. Feces", it may be that he's taking the saying "Make yourself at home" a bit too literally. In which case, he should feel free to lend a hand with our daily clean up instead of assuming a supervisory role. And just so we're all clear about this, the next time he tells me "You missed one", I'm going to have to miss one right down his throat.

But you know...maybe we can make this relationship work. You're out "anyway", would you mind picking up the cat at the vet (remember the Tetramin?) and swinging by the store for a gallon of milk and some Tampax? Oh, and a Caramel Frappacino from Starbucks would reeeeealllly hit the spot.

Thanks. I'm so glad we had a chance to talk. I feel much better now.

FOOTNOTE:
I honestly don't mind having kids over here. I'd rather they were here, where I know what they're doing and watching and playing than hanging out someplace where supervision is questionable or non-existent. Growing up, our home was not the "hang out" house, and I often wished it was. I encourage hanging out here.

BUT. It would be nice to be asked. It would be nice if people would teach their children how to behave in someone else's home. It would be nice if people didn't just assume that I have nothing better to do all day than feed and entertain everyone else's kids. And it would be nice if someone reciprocated once in a while. Is it so wrong to expect a little courtesy? Once, a Mom I scarcely know dropped her kid off in front of the house with a cell phone, gave him the "call me" sign, and drove off. WTF?

For the record, it isn't just the working moms. Some of the worst offenders are stay at home moms like myself who just want a few hours of peace and quiet. Don't we all??