Of Parables and Protocol

You know what? This gift giving thing is getting out of control.

This year, I have one child in Elementary School and one in Middle School. Frankly, I was relieved that I wouldn't have to buy gifts for two teachers this year. I assumed (wrongly, oh....so wrongly) that giving teacher gifts was eschewed in Middle School because of the number of teachers involved. My son has 5 regular teachers (teachers whom he will have all year) and one "Connections" teacher. Connections are elective classes such as Language, Home Economics, Industrial Arts, and P.E. (Seriously? P.E. is elective??)that change quarterly.

Six teachers. And today I was clued in to the fact that all the other parents are indeed, buying gifts for all six teachers. Our first year in public Elementary school, I learned that most parents were buying gifts for the regular classroom teacher, the classroom Para-pro, and all the specials teachers; specials being Art, Music, Computer and P.E.

So let's take stock for a moment....If I follow the currently accepted and widely followed teacher gift giving protocol, I have to buy 12 gifts.

But that's not all. Most parents also buy gifts for the Principal and Vice-Principal.

The Lunch Ladies.

The bus driver.

Now we're up to 16 gifts.

Sixteen gifts, people. And you know you can't get away with any dollar store crap either. It's got to be quality merchandise. Home made goods are acceptable, but they must be creatively and attractively packaged, preferably with hand stamped wrapping made from 100% post consumer materials.

I can't deal with that kind of pressure.

And it doesn't stop there. Ohhhhhh no. There's the Mailman, the UPS guy, the Orkin Man, the Therapist.

It only dawned on me today that I should have bought a gift for Dr. A. I was waiting for Diminutive One to finish up his session when another patient arrived with a gaily wrapped package. I was stunned for two reasons. First, because I thought Dr. A was Jewish. Second, because apparently, the $175/hr I pay her isn't adequate to express my gratitude.

Now look...it isn't that I don't appreciate what these people do. But the fact is, they are not providing me or my children with services out of the goodness of their collective hearts. They are being PAID a fair and competetive WAGE. I pay all these people directly or indirectly for their efforts. If I didn't pay them, would they continue to provide the service?

I don't mean to sound callous, but we are a one income family and frankly, we can't afford to give everyone who crosses our path a Christmas gift. And I don't really want to, to be quite honest. Call me Scrooge, call me a cheapskate, call me a three decker saurkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce ...but I give gifts to those I love, and those who have touched my life in some meaningful way. I would die without the Orkin guy, but I'm not really moved to tears when he shows up at my door with his little apparatus. In other words, I am not compelled to give him a gift for doing his job.

I do think that people who give of themselves deserve to be recognized in some way. I think selflessness and generosity deserve to be rewarded.

But is giving a random bauble hastily grabbed off of a store shelf really the best way to accomplish that?

What ever happened to the old adage, "It's the thought that counts"? And who decided that we should only do it at certain commercially sanctioned and relentlessly promoted holidays?

Is it any wonder that people are growing more and more disenchanted with holidays? It's become nothing but a growing list of obligations to be checked off. How many of us breathe a sigh of relief when it's over? How many of us really savor it anymore? How many of us truly LOVE it the way we did when we were children and Christmas was a light in our hearts instead of a burden on our souls?

I am not giving 16 gifts. I asked my oldest son to choose one teacher who had really made a difference to him this year and we will give a special something to him/her. The rest will get a card to express our thanks and wishes for a joyous holiday season.

If it's really the thought that counts, that will be enough. If its not, then I guess I can look forward to being branded a subversive skinflint.

But I won't be guilted into a disingenuous gesture and I will no longer aid the retail industry in turning Christmas into an empty capitalist sham.

Who's with me?



(Footnote: The bus driver does actually get an extra special something in his stocking for only kicking Diminutive One off the bus once this year and for letting him come back after two days.)