It Doesn't Take a Village so Lay Off My Kid

Yeah, yeah, I know how the old adage goes, but I think it's bunk, frankly.

I don't like other people disciplining my children.

I'm a pretty vigilant Mom. I have to be with Diminutive One. If my kids are misbehaving, I'm pretty swift to step in and resolve the issue. I'm not "that Mom" who chatters blithely or buries her nose in a book while her offpsring wreak havoc and terrorize other children.

As they get older and I afford them a little more freedom, there are times that they are out of my immediate line of sight. For instance, at the ballpark. If one child is playing ball, the other is allowed to roam pretty freely. The park is comprised of four fields situated in a circular fashion, with the concession stand in the center. From any one field, I can see two of the other four. We've been playing at this park for 7 years and we know so many people there that I feel confident that if one of my children were injured, or engaging in dangerous behavior, they would intervene.

And I have no problem with another adult stepping in to stop dangerous behavior if I am noticeably absent.

But I do take exception to someone yelling at or attempting to discipline my child when I am standing right there. In such an instance, I expect any adult witnessing the behavior to come to me, relay the necessary information and let me handle it.

I know that this is a somewhat controversial stance. Some people feel that any adult has the right and the responsibility to step in when children, even those not their own, are misbehaving. And really...I guess it doesn't bother me if the adult in question can be counted on to act rationally and fairly and dispense justice in an appropriate, non-threatening manner.

But not all adults can, and that's where the real problem lies, I suppose.

Last night at the ballpark, Pre-Pubescent One was playing ball, and Diminutive One was running with a pack of ballpark kids. They were playing tag, playing catch, goofing off...standard kid stuff. At one point, they began to throw gravel, which every kid in the park has been told at least a bzillion times, not to do.

They were playing mere feet from where I sat, but because my oldest child was pitching and I was engrossed in watching him, I was unaware of what was going on.

A Coach, one that we know and has in fact, been my oldest son's Allstar Coach for the past two summers, began screaming at Diminutive One and berating him for his behavior. He has a history of this sort of thing, and both Husband and I have had to ask him numerous times not to do it. He's an asshole, but that's really neither here nor there.

The point is...it ANGERED me. I was sitting right there. It's true, I did not see what was going on, but all he had to do was tap me on the shoulder and let me know. The gravel is very small, not big enough to hurt anyone, really. And they weren't throwing it at anybody, just throwing it up to hear the clatter of stones as they rained down onto the cement. It was just kids being kids. It did not warrant that kind of violent reaction.

A simple..."Hey you kids, stop throwing gravel." would have sufficed. I probably wouldn't have batted an eyelash if another adult had said such a thing. But for someone to bear down on my child like a freight train, eyes bulging, veins popping, hurling invective....

I won't get it into all the sordid details, but let's just say...we had words.

I was calm, but firm. He was indignant.

He thought it his God given right to discipline an errant child. I thought it highly rude and presumptuous of him.

To be clear, I have on occasion, chastised children not my own for their behavior. But whenever possible and/or appropriate (meaning, no threat to life or limb is incipient) I try to locate their parent or caregiver, inform them, and then let them decide how to handle the situation.

I'm wondering how others feel about the issue. Perhaps I am over-sensitive to it because of my concerns over Diminutive One's behavior and how people perceive him. Perhaps, deep down, it feels like a judgement of my parenting when someone takes it upon themselves to admonish either of my boys. Maybe it's just a simple matter of maternal protectiveness. I don't know.

But I do know that nobody has the right to scream at my children except me. At least I do it with love.

Sorta.

Mostly.

A little bit.