Whoredom

You know...when I started this blog, I vowed that it would not contain the same tired old crap that everybody else was posting. I resolved that it would not be a litany of personal problems and complaints, nor would it be rife with maternal endearments and cute little anecdotes. But lately, that is exactly what it has become.

I am irritating myself. I want to tell myself to shut the hell up already.

I have all kinds of really highbrow stuff I want to write about, (really, I do) but right now, I lack the energy and the focus. So, in an effort to lighten the mood here at Chez Antagonist, I'm going to take a page from Mrs. Chicky's book, and talk about something that makes me happy.

It's terribly superficial and completely without import. It's a little shameful and essentially meaningless. But it never fails to lift me up when I am down.

What is this miracle?

Simply put....product.

It's funny....People who only know me as an online persona, are surprised to find that I am very girly in person. People who know me in real life, are often surprised to find that I actually have a brain.

Oh, I'm articulate enough that people don't usually think I'm an ignorant bumpkin, or an insufferable dullard, but I'm pretty reserved, and I don't have a job or a degree, two barometers by which people commonly gauge intelligence.

I suppose it's a natural assumption to make then, that I lack ambition or intellect, and that I am a SAHM because it's the only thing to which I am suited.

But those of you who know me only as a writer, a blogger, a "thinker"...might be surprised to find that I have a dirty little secret.

I? Am a product whore.

I LOVE make-up. Perfume. Hair care products. Bubble bath. Lotion. Nail polish. Clothes. Shoes. Jewelry. Purses. Smelly candles. Tarts. I love it all. I love it so much that I collect vintage vanity items. Mostly it's perfume bottles, but also compacts, lipsticks...you name it.

People think my profile is a joke, but it's patently true. My two indulgences are books and beauty products. I can't get enough of either one.

Anyway, today I want to talk about some of my favorites. I've done this once before, but it was a while ago. There are some products that I simply cannot live without. But since I am an lazy, directionless slattern who doesn't earn a paycheck, I have to get my fixes on a budget. There will be no $100 face cream on my list.

And because one can really never have enough product, and because aside from being a hopeless addict I am a shameless enabler, I want you to share your favorites with me in the comments.

1. Olay Regenerist Serum

LOVE this stuff. I use it twice a day. It's just the right amount of moisture for my oily skin, it provides a smooth canvas for my mineral make-up, and it really does improve the overall look of my complexion. It's every bit as good as high end department store products.

2. Bare Escentuals Mineral Make-Up.

I can't live without mineral make-up. Because my skin is extremely oily, and I am prone to breakouts even at 38, I have to be extremely vigilant about what I put on my face. Bare Escentuals is made of pure minerals, with no binders, fillers or oils. Sometimes, because of my product whoredom, I am tempted by other foundations. I am always sorry.

There is a learning curve to using this product, and a lot of people give up on it after one or two tries because they've used far too much and it ends up looking mask-like, or because, due to improper preparation of the skin, they find that pores are emphasized. But once you've mastered it, I swear you will never, ever go back to liquid make-up.

The other BE product I can't live without is Bisque. It is THE only concealer that can cover my heavy duty undereye circles (inherited), and I swear, that it actually helps heal blemishes while it covers them. It doesn't crease like cream or liquid concealers. It used to only come in one color, which was kind of a bummer, but now it comes in original (pink toned), summer (warm toned toned), and honey (for asian or latin american or Indian/Middle Eastern complexions).

FWIW, L'Oreal's new Bare Natural line is pretty comparable in terms of coverage and quality. However, it broke me out terribly, so I'm fairly certain it contains ingredients other than minerals. But if you're not sensitive to that sort of thing, give it a whirl. It's half the price of BE, and you can't go wrong with that.

3. OPI Polishes.

I adore OPI. I confess it's mostly because of the clever names, but it really does wear an incredibly long time, especially on toes, which are tough to keep looking manicured. My favorite shades are "Don't Be Koi With Me", "Down to My Last Penny", "Cheyenne Pepper", "Melon of Troy", "Cosmonaut Tonight Honey", "Ecuadorable Coral", and "Chocolate Shakespeare". Their base and top coats are amazing as well.

4. Frederik Fekkai Glossing Cream.

I would do anything to keep myself stocked with this stuff. ANYTHING. It's simply unparalleled. Just a pea sized amount turns my entire head into a shiny, shimmering mane, without greasiness, heaviness, or build-up. It's made with Olive Oil, so it's healthier than glossing products made with silicone. It's very expensive. But, it lasts so long that it really turns out to be quite economical. I just finished a trial sized tube, which was $9. But it lasted 4 months. And I have A LOT of hair. I purchased a new 4 oz. tube for $20. I'm sure it will last me at least six months, and probably closer to 9. All FF products are amazing, but if you only had to choose one, this would be it.

5. Aveeno Positively Smooth Shave Gel.

I've never used a shaving cream until recently, because I just didn't think it was necessary. This? Is necessary. It goes on like silk and gives an incredibly close, smooth shave. It really does inhibit hair growth so you can shave less often. I use it erm...other places...and it's the only thing that prevents terrible razor bumps.

6. Bath And Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar and Sensual Amber everything.

I quite smoking about ten years ago. When I did, I could no longer tolerate heavy, cloying perfumes. Bye-Bye Poison and White Diamonds (Gawd, those are SO awful. Can anybody who's senses are not completely numbed by nictone tolerate them?) hello Bath and Body Works body sprays. I have to be careful, because anything too floral triggers migraines. Fruity stuff makes me a little nauseated unless it's really light. But Warm Vanilla Sugar and Sensual Amber are just the perfect amount of sweetness, tempered by a subtle spiciness. People always compliment me on how I smell when I use these two scents.

I was thrilled to discover that Wal-Mart (yes, I know they are evil) carries a line of B&BW dupes that are dead-on copies of my two favorite scents. They carry the full complement of products; bath gel, body lotion and body spray.

7. Queen Helene Mint Julep Mask and Mint Scrub

One of the reasons I like this stuff so much is because it smells like juicy fruit. Just opening up the tub makes me feel rejuvenated. But it is also a really good product for anyone with oily skin, large pores, blackheads, or all three. It shrinks pores, gets that deep down debris, and sucks up oil. It makes my entire face feel younger, fresher and tighter without feeling stripped. It does double duty as a blemish healer as well. The best part? It's like, $5 for a huge tub. It used to be that the only place I could find it was Sally Beauty Supply, but the other day I found it in (evil) Wal-Mart. I was psyched.

8. Burberry Classic Perfume

How do I love thee Burberry Classic?? Let me count the ways. This perfume is DA BOMB. It's such a light but crisp, fruity but powdery, sweet, but spicy....Aw hell. You'll just have to smell it yourself. It's one of the few perfumes I can wear without feeling like I need a gas mask. I love it.

9. Revlon Colorstay Lipstick

I'm a lipstick junkie, and I am hardcore. I probably have 100 lipsticks in my make-up drawer right now. And probably only about ten of them are in my regular rotation. Because I am very pale, I have very little pigment in my lips. For that reason, I have worn lipstick since I was old enough to start stealing it from my mother's make-up drawer. Now, after so many years, I feel weird when I don't have anything on my lips. It's like two pieces of paper rubbing together. It BUGS me. So I always have lipstick on. If I'm just hanging out at home, I have to at least wear lip balm. It's a sickness really.

Anyway...this lipstick is very light feeling, but gives a nice amount of pigment. It doesn't dry out my lips or make them feel cakey. It stays supple and it LASTS. The only drawback is that you have to use make-up remover to get it off. I buy it in every color I can conceivably wear, but I use Enldess Spice and Something Honey the most.

10. Burt's Bees Milk and Honey Lotion

In a word...YUM. This smells sooooo good. Kinda minty. Kinda sweet. Kinda fresh. And the scent is incredibly long lasting. I can wear this and not wear any perfume or body spray and smell delicious all day. It makes my skin amazingly soft and moist without greasiness. Again, people always comment about how I smell when I slather myself with this lotion.

Alright. That's my top ten. Now you know my dirty little secret. My personal shame.

But you know...I think it's people who can take comfort in little things, that are ultimately able to weather the big things. That premise was the basis for a piece called "Spiritual Lipstick" and it's still as true for me as the day I wrote it.

Yes. Parenting is stressful. Marriage (even to a great guy) is stressful. LIFE is stressful. I could drown my sorrows in meaningless sex with empty eyed strangers. I could smoke crack or get high on my kid's prescription drugs. I could eat myself into an early grave. I could court an adrenaline rush by engaging in thrill seeking behaviors. I could shop my way to happiness and put us in the poor house.

Lipstick, bubblebaths, historical novels and non-fat caramel lattes are much less destructive options I think.

Fellow product whores, enable me.

In re-reading this post in the a.m., I have decided that it is, possibly, the most inane thing I have ever written. But, it is what it is. And more importantly, it is what it isn't; to whit, a whiney post about my kid. So that's a good thing. Take it for what it's worth.