The Eyes Have It

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Currently, my pupils are the size of quarters, and apparently, they are going to stay that way for another 24 hours. I went out and ran some errands, terrified of being stopped for some routine traffic violation, only to have the cop take one look at me and realize I was high as a kite.

"What are you on Ma'am? Ma' am? Do you have it on you? Get out the car please. Lie down spread eagled with your hands behind your head while I search your mini-van. Dispatch, I'm going to need some backup here."

Gauchos and sandals aren't really felony attire. Or is drug possesion a misdemeanor? I'm so not up on my drug offender penal code.

I can scarcely focus, and the usually soft glow of my computer screen is driving spikes of agony into the backs of my completely exposed and vulnerable eyeballs. The seeing in the dark thing is kind of cool. Unfortunately for me, I am not the undead.

But...it seems I am a go for surgery, so I can deal with looking like a overweight anime drawing for a couple days.

I have chosen to have my procedure done at Emory Vision Center.

It's one of the best in the country. It's a little more expensive than most places, but truthfully, I haven't done any comparison shopping to know exactly how much more. If I'm going to have my corneas sliced and diced, I'm not interested in a bargain basement doctor. I want someone with an honest to goodness medical degree, not a certificate he got in Tijuana on his last vacation. I've seen the results of those Mexican boob jobs on TLC. I don't want to end up with irises as walleyed as the nipples on those unfortunate gals.

I was extremely impressed with the whole set-up and with the staff. They were courteous and personable without being overly solicitous. The technician who did all my corneal mapping and various other tests (you can ultrasound an eyeball...who knew?) chatted with me happily and easily and the doctor never made me feel like I was keeping her from something really important. She explained everything thoroughly and she seemed HAPPY that I was asking questions. A doctor who encourages questions...what a novel concept.

There was lots of comfortable seating in the thoughtfully dim lounge, and the hospitality room offered a nice selection of flavored coffees, sodas, fruit juice and bottled water. But the best part...there was an abundant selection of CURRENT magazines. Yes. Not one was more than a few weeks old. I had brought a book as I always do, anticipating a dearth of reading material. But since I was 30 mins early (I planned for bad traffic, but got lucky) I fully enjoyed thumbing through "Entertainment", "InSyle" and "People". I didn't give "Time" or "Newsweek" a second glance.

I am scheduled for surery on 11/03.

It's hard to believe that in three weeks, I will no longer be fully dependant upon glasses or contacts. I've been wearing them since the third grade. That was long before they had the sophisticated grinding techniques that they have now, and I suffered through many years of wearing "Coke bottle" glasses so heavy they would scarcely stay on my face. I remember the sticker on the lense craze. I had a silver puppy dog. It drove me nuts but I pretended it didn't because everyone else had one.

I started wearing contacts back when you had to put use the heat disinfection machine. Then they came out with those fizzy tablets that smelled like eggs and that was really something. No more heat! No more lenses that baked into hard yellow scales. Yeah. It's fun to put that in your eye. It's a wonder more people didn't go blind from corneal abrasion and infection. Because I know that I went just as long between cleanings as I possibly could. My lenses would get so cloudy it was like looking through a soft focus camera lense. But the more you disinfected them, the faster they wore out, and back then, those suckers were expensive.

But no more. No more paying $400 for a pair of glasses. No more farting around with nosepieces and bows and adjustments. No more begging the eye doctor to give me just one more pair of contacts until I can squeeze in an appointment. No more feeling vulnerable without those blasted things perched on my nose. No more "blind as a bat."

WOW. Just...WOW.