Weather's Here, Wish You Were Beautiful

That line makes me laugh, and I swear I heard it about a million times this week.(Bonus points to anyone who can name the song that line came from)

So, we're back. That's good....and bad. We were loathe to leave our island paradise, but it feels good to be sitting in my own beloved, ugly teal grean recliner and it will feel amazingly good to sleep in my own bed tonight.

We are tired and bedraggled, we have sand in places that sand just doesn't belong, and we are much, much poorer. But we are also relaxed and happy. The van still needs to be unloaded and suitcases unpacked, so I'll save the "Come look at my vacation slides" post for tomorrow. But I'll throw out a few things we learned this week for you.

1. About 4 seconds after one decides that traffic has thinned enough to activate the cruise control, another driver will abruptly decide to travel in front of you in your lane at approximately 5 miles less than your vehicle's designated speed.

2. In resort speak, "Calypso Band" means a dude with a guitar covering Jimmy Buffet songs. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but once you've seen one Jimmy Buffet enthusiast, you've seen them all.

3. One should not wear expensive sunglasses to frolic in the surf at high tide. Ditto hair clips and/or rubber bands, jewelry, and any clothing that depends upon elastic to keep it where it belongs.

4. If one lounges about in a bathing suit for hours at a time, effectively marinating one's genitals in a broth of fish feces, decaying vegetable matter, and assorted varieties of silt, sand and seashells....one could end up with a nasty UTI; one which makes the island doctor raise her eyebrows and inquire about one's sexual proclivities.

5. The fastest way to empty a crowded pool is to have one's children bleed into it.

6. If, on a deep sea fishing excursion, one's husband chances to catch a sizeable bonnet head shark...and if, perchance, one's husband drops said shark in the boat while trying to weigh it (19 lbs.) it is generally not a good idea if ALL the other passengers simultaneously flee to the side of the boat opposite the shark.

7. It is also generally NOT a good idea to let one's children watch JAWS the night before going on such an excursion.

8. If, while crabbing in ankle deep water, one shrieks and then bolts for the shore with arms and legs flailing out to either side in such a manner as to chance as little contact with the water as possible until safely on dry land.....the guides and any locals who happen to be watching, will snicker openly and unapologetically; as will one's husband and children.

9. Nine year olds are FAR too mature to enjoy a pirate cruise, particularly if they have twelve year old brothers who declare the entire concept "retarded".

10. They will, however, look on wistfully, while effecting extreme disdain.

11. Apparently, there is some sort of "Tourists Modesty Rule" that stipulates the following: The further one ventures from one's home, the less modesty one is required to demonstrate. It seems that the bikini is a remarkably versatile garment.

12. Every single restaurant in the entire world serves chicken nuggets. However, the French interpretation of the American hot dog will be treated with suspicion and scorn.

And finally....A spectacular summer sunset over the water, a warm tropical breeze rippling through one's hair, the taste of salt on one's lips, the feel of damp sand beneath one's feet, the sight of one's children being buoyed by ocean waves while wearing expressions of transcendental contentment, and the sound of the surf as one drifts off to sleep can make all of the above seem terribly, terribly insignificant.

They are truly a balm for the soul; a sultry amnesiac that erases the world beyond the island's borders and all the cares that come with it.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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Also, a big thanks to Izzy for awarding me a Just Post award for my posts "The Color of Impetus is Teal Green" and "Beauty Interrupted". I wasn't here to thank her for her kind acknowledgement so I will take the opportunity to do so now. I love these Just Post awards. They make me feel like we are not so small, or insignificant, or powerless. Please take the time to go read all the recipients at One Plus Two. There are some amazing people and some amazing stories. And a big thanks to Jen and Jessica for bringing these stories to us.