Dear Poptart,

I'm not really a fan, but I am familiar with your work. Though you are not usually my first choice when it comes to listening enjoyment (My heart did, does and always will belong to Duran Duran), I find your music pleasant enough. However, I do have a small request to make.

Respectfully, if you cannot sing in that key, reach that note, remember those words, or otherwise perform Christmas Carols exactly as they were written and as they have been performed for decades, and in some cases, centuries....

FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE BRADY, DON'T MAKE A CHRISTMAS ALBUM.

I am a traditionalist, you see, as are, I believe, most folks when it comes to Christmas carols. I do not believe these songs are improved by tedious vocal acrobatics, impressive though they undoubtedly are to your masses of adoring fans. Additionally, I do not believe that speaking, shouting or shrieking the lyrics to these songs is "innovative".

Let me do you a kindness and clue you in to the fact that you are not fooling anyone by changing the arrangement or the key. We are quite aware that the "fresh new spin" you put on our beloved carols is to disguise the fact that your voice is not quuuiiiiiiite up to the task of performing them.

Not that there is any shame in that. Many classic carols are incredibly difficult pieces to perform. Only people with true ability and competent instruction can pull them off, and let's just be honest...that eliminates about 98% of contemporary artists.

For an example of near perfect execution, please listen to John Berry sing O Holy Night. Really, his entire Christmas repertoire is flawless.



THAT is how to sing a Christmas carol. Those little bumps on your skin? Those are goosepimples.

Thank You,

Sincerely,

A Godless Heathen who is inexplicably moved by Christ centric carols and who is not amused when they are bastardized by Poptarts, Hip Hop "Artists", or others who perform dubious musical stylings.

(I know, I know, I'm reaching, I mean...reeeeeaaaaally reaching for blog content here. But C day is looming people. I have a trip to pack for, a house to clean, presents to wrap, and in t-minus 3 hours and counting I am putting on a party for 24 4th graders who are berserk with holiday cheer. And for some reason, I decided a homemade gift for the teacher personalized by said 4th graders would be "a good thing".

Yes, it's abundantly clear that I have lost my marbles if I had any to begin with. So until I find them again, you'll have to take any meagre offerings I can drum up.)