I Give Up

I can't do it people.

I can't keep up with everything in my life and update this blog regularly too. I try. I have good intentions. But somehow it doesn't get done. And I have to admit, where once this blog was a lifeline for me...a way to keep my mind from atrophying into a superfluous lump...now, it's just one more thing on a list too long for me to ever get to the bottom of.

(Edited to add: I didn't mean I was closing down the blog, just that I was going to give up trying to post every day, or twice weekly or whatever, and just accept that posting will happen when time and motivation happen to be present at the same time.)

But that's a good thing. Because, as you know if you've been reading any length of time....I have been bored out of my mind the last few years of my life. I have been depressed by the drudgery and sameness of every day. The rut I was in was more like a bottomless trench.

So. Life is chugging along and that is good. But I really don't have the time or the mental energy to write anything astounding. So I'll give you a quick little update on my life.

Husband got a job.

WHEW. In the beginning, we worried that our resources would not last until Husband could find a job. We just didn't know if it would take a month, or a year. If it was the latter, well....not only would we still be unemployed, but every penny of our savings would be gone. There would be no eating in retirement, much less the travel and adventure we'd envisionsed. We would lose the house, the cars....it was a really terrifying thought. We realized we were luckier than most, in that we had any resources at all.  But they were definitely finite, and we knew it all too well.

Luckily, due to a slight upturn in the economy that allowed us to recover some of what we used in those jobless months, we really ended up just about where we started.  That was a big relief. We won't have to rely on tinned beef from the dollar store when we're 80.

Also...I have joined Weight Watchers. I never did update all of you on my health situation, but it became very apparent that I had to get control of my health.  My blood pressure was a staggering 130/120 and the neurologist promptly put me on medication to bring it down. That was very sobering.

Because I suffered from pre-eclampsia during my last pregnancy, I will always be at increased risk of high blood pressure and stroke. But I compounded that risk by allowing my weight to creep up once again and letting old habits return.

In 2005 I lost around 60 lbs through diet and exercise, but I didn't keep it off because there was no accountability. And I didn't learn how to change my lifestyle permanently. I looked at the meaures I had taken to lose the weight as a temporary inconvenience to get from point A to point B. Once I arrived at point B, I allowed myself to slip back into unhealthy behaviors.

I realized I needed a concrete plan to follow, meetings to help keep me focused, and other people to inspire me. I've only been to one meeting, but I can already tell that this is what I need. 

Normally, the thought of making the kind of profound and permanent changes I needed to make would send me into a maelstrom of self-pity and negativity. I knew my attitude had reached a turning point when I left there not thinking about how awful the coming months would be, but how much better I would feel both physically and mentally, when I started seeing results. I felt like I could meet this challenge head on. I felt empowered and inspired rather than defeated and resentful.

My first weigh in day is tomorrow. I'm hoping for good news. But if I don't get it, I'm not going to give up. I'm going to figure out what went wrong and then fix it and go on.

In other news, the flood waters have receded, the recovery has begun, and life is slowly returning to normal.

As normal as it gets at Chez Antagonist, anyway.

Oh, one tiny little word of advice....1 eleven year old boy + 1 zombie movie = 2 many people in the bed.

Yes, Zombieland is funny, yes, it's more of a spoof than a real horror movie. Yes, the protagonists make mincemeat out of the zombies. But it's very, very, very, very gruesome and the zombies are extremely realistic. I even turned away once or twice.

But that's what happens when you have a teenager and a pre-teenager. The teenager is way too cool to watch anything that is appropriate for the pre-teenager. The pre-teenager wants to watch all the stuff the teenager is watching. He wants to be hip and cool, and not a baby. He's still smarting from the ridicule that he got for asking to see G-Force on his birthday. So I indulge him sometimes.

But on that one? Let's just say I'm a dumbass.

Not only did I have Diminutive One in my bed all weekend, but he has been lighting up this house like a.... something really bright. This morning before he left for school, I sent him upstairs on some errand. Later that morning when I went up, every single light  in every single room was on. Not only that, but all the closet doors were open.

Yessir. I'm going to be paying for that little piece of dumbassery for a while.

I'm going to make a list of survival rules like for Zombies, but for parenting. At the top of that list....

#1. A little imagination can be a dangerous thing. Don't encourage it.