Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Rambling Friday Randomness

1. Even after living here 20 years, I still can't help laughing at the way Southerners react when the temperature plunges beneath the ole 60 degree mark.

Yesterday was an absolutely gorgeous fall day; the kind that are all too few here in the land of eternal summer. It was about 52 degrees and the wind was a little brisk, but the sun was shining brightly. I couldn't wait to get home and go for my walk.

On the way home from the school, I saw a woman walking a dog. She had on a down vest, some sort of fleece thing underneath it and a turtleneck under that, a hat, gloves and a freaking muffler.

A muffler, people. Where I come from, you don't put on a muffler unless you're planning to go ice fishing or you know...enter the Iditarod.

I was wearing a tank top under a lightweight cardigan, jeans and tennis shoes. I was perfectly comfortable. That woman had to have been roasting alive under all that clothing.

And yet, they don't take construct their homes to withstand the brutal minus 60 conditions that persist throughout the Southern winters. You could catch pneumonia standing next to my fireplace.

2. One year ago I had Lasik surgery.

I really can't believe it's been a year and sometimes, I still can't believe that I actually did it. I am such a pussy about procedures of any kind.

I had my gall bladder taken out five years ago and you would have though I was undergoing a heart translplant the way I carried on. They gave me enough valium to put Andre The Giant in la-la land for a nice long time and still I was trembling uncontrollably right up until they put the mask over my face.

Well, maybe some of that was because I was naked (seriously, is this necessary? Can we at least be allowed the dignity of underpants?).

I felt a little sheepish when I woke up 40 minutes later with three teensy weensy little incisions and feeling, for all intents and purposes, none the worse for the experience.

And yet, I voluntarily sat under a big honkin' machine, allowed a doctor to tape my eyelids open, suck my eyeball into an aperature, slice through my cornea, and then laser it.

I would do it again in a New York minute.

It has been a true miracle for me. If any of you have vision as poor as mine was(Jozet over at Halushki described it very well in this very funny post) you can probably appreciate the truth of that statement. Those of you with perfect vision never will.

In the interest of full disclosure, I did have a slight complication. I have struggled with chronic dry eye since the procedure. I was forewarned of this risk, and chose to go forward. And I'm glad I did. I have to use Restasis twice a day, but it manages my symptoms very well.

It's possible I will be able to stop using the drops at some point. The eyes continue to heal for up to five years after surgery. Already I can tell that the dryness is improving.

Normally, if I miss a dose or two, I am running for the artificial tears because it feels as if the cat licked my eyeballs. But lately I've noticed that I can miss a couple days without dire consequences.

Despite that, it is still a hundred thousand million kajillion times better than screwing around with glasses and conctacts.

If you're thinking about doing it, all I can tell you is that I wish I had done it twenty years ago. Well, maybe not because there was that thing with eyeballs sectioning apart like oranges after RK, so maybe ten years ago.

3. I've been doing a lot of ebay shopping lately.

Pre-Pubescent One's sudden lust for brand names is drastically at odds with our one income situation. For some reason, it bugs the living snot out of me when people have common words misspelled in their auctions.

HEELS, people, not heals. SEQUINS, not sequence. SANDALS, not sandles.

Why in the world would a person not spellcheck an auction listing for heaven's sake? Perhaps the reason it bothers me so much is that is bespeaks a certain apathy and laziness with which our society seems to be gripped these days.

Or maybe it's just that I enjoy the feeling of superiority that sneering at their ineptitude gives me. It's not impossible. I can admit that. I am nothing if not self-actualized.

4. And finally, I just have to say that migraines suck big hairy donkey balls.

I have had them from the age of 12 or 13, with a brief respite during my childbearing years.

I've tried a lot of different medications over the years, with little success. Frustrated, I gave up on meds altogether. For a long time, I've simply made do using a variety of coping mechanisms such as an ice pack to the back of my head, lying down in a dark, cold room, and OTC meds containing caffeine.

But lately, they have become more severe and more frequent. I suspect it's hormonal, since I am reaching that magical stage in a woman's life when everything in my body is thrown into chaos by declining estrogen. Chin hairs are the least of my problems girls.

So I've been working with my family practitioner to investigate various therapies. Because I have a history of high blood pressure brought on by Pre-Eclampsia in my second pregnancy, I can't take the magic pill. For me, Imitrex or any other drug in it's class (Triptans) carry an unacceptably high risk of stroke. Great.

Recently, I was prescribed a beta blocker, which works several different ways to combat migraines. It can be used as both preventative and abortificant. Unfortunately, it doesn't work for me in either respect.

It also makes me very nauseous, dizzy and again, sluggish. And as a bonus, after three days, I developed an itchy rash all over my body that made me want to crawl right out of my skin.

I got some pain killers, but I asked for non-narcotic pain reliever since I do not react well to narcotics. I get terribly nauseated and sometimes hallucinate. So my doctor prescribed something called Phrenalyn Forte, which is a mega dose of Acetaminophen and a muscle relaxer.

It works GREAT for menstrual cramps. Migaines? Not so much.

This past weekend I suffered the mother of all migraines. I was in bed for 72 hours and I had every symptom I have ever suffered and then some. I was ready to go the emergency room, which I have never, ever done, when it finally abated. For about 8 hours. Then I relapsed for another 12 hours.

I can't continue like that, obviously. My husband, who NEVER gets headaches, was convinced I had an aneurysm just moments from rupture, or something equally sinister.

In researching different therapies, I have been doing a lot of reading about the effects of Botox on migraines. I am actually considering trying it, which goes against every ounce of common sense I posess.

But desperate times call for desperate measures. And I am getting desperate.

Plus, you know...I could do without those two big forehead wrinkles. Hey...just because my interest in Botox is strictly clinical does not mean I can't appreciate the aesthetic advantages as well.

If I'm going to have to suffer these motherflucking migraines I'm for damn sure going to find that silver lining and exploit it for all it's worth.

I think that's all I needed to get off my chest. Aren't you glad you stopped by today?


  • At 9:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Actually, yes, I am glad. I've not been here before, and I like when someone makes me laugh.

  • At 9:49 AM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    I would be nervous about the Botox too... but... you were nervous about Lasik & the Gall Bladder surgery and those turned out just fine.

    Yes, I'm always glad I stopped by :)

  • At 9:51 AM, Blogger Chanda (aka Bea) said…

    De-lurk alert! Ive been reading your blog for about 6 months, and love your writting, so I wanted to say hi. I live in the south too but am a New Englander at heart. (Lived there, most of my family lives there, want to live there again, but can't afford it). People are amazed I don't own a winter coat - for what? The twelve seconds it MIGHT drop below the 90's??? I feel your pain. Thanks again for all the great reads!

  • At 9:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm a recent transplant to Texas, and am finally enjoying the weather. Love the crisp fall air.

    I had to laugh at the eBay spelling part. That drives me crazy. I refuse to buy anything when the spelling is atrocious, especially something described as "goregous".

    I don't know about the Botox, but I gotta think if I was suffering that much I'd be willing to try just about anything. And think how young you'll look! :)

  • At 10:44 AM, Blogger Avalon said…

    The Princess was just diagnosed with Migraines and given her first med to try. Luckily, it's working. I wonder....... if I feign migraines, maybe my insurance will cover Botox injections as medically necessary. Just kidding!

  • At 11:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I get you on the migraines. Oh, do I. I get them where my eyes leak constantly with the pain. It's what my husband calls Silent Crying. My ears burn; my eyes hurt; the thought of raising my head off the pillow seems like a monumental task, and yet any position I lie in isn't helping. I've been there, though never to the point where I was ready for the ER.

    I do hope you find something that works for you, and if it's Botox, at least your reason for it is clinical and not just vanity, though you should get to enjoy the appearance improving qualities guilt free, I say. Nothing wrong with that!

  • At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ooo I had lasik just a couple of weeks ago. I should have had it done years ago - no longer hunting for glasses.

    I'm a bit scared of ebay, maybe that's my next step.

  • At 12:33 PM, Blogger anne said…

    I came by way of your comment on my sister's post about Lasik.

    Actually, I started reading at the post with Flaming June and worked my forward.

    I wish I would have found this last night/this morning when the side effects of my migraine meds had me up until 4 this morning.

    Wonderful. All of it.

  • At 12:45 PM, Blogger said…

    I think that if I had migraines that bad, I'd consider just about anything, including electric shock therapy and possibly having small holes drilled into my head to relieve the pressure...because during the few migraines I do have each year, I get very close to bringing out the drill.

    Thanks for the linkage. My husband had Lasik a few years ago, and he loves it. Of course, now he's getting to be an old fogey, and he'll need reading glasses anyway, but he sailed through with only the dry eye "complication". His vision right now is something like 20/15.

    I'm thinking about it. I'm a bit of a fatalist when I read about side-effects and thinking "Well of course all these will happen to me." But I bet a good dose of Valium would get me onto the table with my eyes taped open.

  • At 1:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Okay, I'm a lurker who very much enjoys your blog. It's definitely not stupid. But at the risk of giving you another migraine, I have to point out this sentence in your rant on E-bay misspellings:

    "Or maybe it's just that I enjoy the feeling of superiority that sneering at their ineptitude give me."

    Sneering always give me a feeling of superiority, too. I hope you get a chuckle out of this and don't take offense. I love your writing...and most of the time agree with your subjects, even if occasionally your verbs don't. Hee Hee

  • At 2:22 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    Ohhhh, Jann, the irony. I probably read that paragraph 20 times before posting to make sure I didn't make a *spelling* error. Snort.

  • At 3:07 PM, Blogger Foofa said…

    I can't believe people get all dressed up like that in the south I find it very funny. I don't have my scarf hat and gloves out yet and it's in the 40s and supposed to snow tomorrow. Granted gloves wouldn't be a bad idea but they are in a trunk somewhere and I never remember to get them out. Once it goes into the 30s I'll need them.

  • At 3:34 PM, Blogger painted maypole said…

    i had lasik a year ago, too. love it!

  • At 3:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am coming out of the lurker shadows to say there is life after Restasis. I had my Lasik about 5 years ago and have had terrible dry eyes ever since. I had to go off the Restasis when TTC kid #2 and my doc suggested thermally sealing my tear ducts. Or, as I call it A HOT POKER IN THE EYE. But, OMG it helps and lasts about 2 years. I have had it done twice now. Ask your doctor about it. Love, love, love your blog.

  • At 4:11 PM, Blogger Antique Mommy said…

    As you know BA, I'm a midwestern girl, but a southern girl at heart - yet even after 26 years in the south, I'm still tickled at how the city shuts down after the lightest dusting of snow. And then they talk about ad nauseum on the news.

  • At 4:17 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    Um, are you and I from the same egg? Because um yeah on the migraine front. Are you on Topamax? It has helped me so much.

    Also it cracks me up that people here in AZ have kittens if it gets below 60. Like the hellmouth stopped yawning for 15 minutes, they don't know what to do with themselves.

  • At 9:11 PM, Blogger Sarahviz said…

    I swear you are like the older sis I never had.
    When I lived down south I used to laugh at the extreme reactions to the weather. An inch of snow? CLOSE DOWN EVERYTHING! FOR A WEEK!
    I'm dying to get lasix on my eyes.
    And my mom has had Botox injections in her throat. For years and years, before it was popular. Apparently Botox solves more than simply cosmetic "issues".

  • At 11:10 PM, Blogger Shelley said…

    I just had to comment on your first point. I live in Arizona, and I swear the second it drops below 80 degrees (Mid November), people are walking around in jeans and sweatshirts. Not because they're cold, I don't think, but just because they're so sick of the shorts and t shirts they've been wearing since March.
    Personally, I'm still in shorts. I would roast in jeans at 78 degrees. I dream of 52...send some my way, pleeeeeease?

    I'm sorry about the migraine...I do hope you are feeling better.

  • At 12:29 AM, Blogger Creative-Type Dad said…

    I really like the idea of Lasik, I just can't IMAGINE them taping my eyes up and shooting a freakin' laser in there!!

    That scares me a little. Or a lot.

  • At 11:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I had a friend get botox just for her migraines. It helped a little. Ultimately, she ended up in Chicago at headache type clinic. No joke.

  • At 1:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just wanted to say that i really like your blog header.

  • At 5:20 PM, Blogger Maureen Fitzgerald said…

    I second the love of Topamax - the side effects were a bit much to take at first, but went away after about three weeks and I have been happily migraine free (mostly) since.

  • At 9:03 PM, Blogger Mutha Mae said…

    Found you via Omega Mom.

    I had gall bladder surgery and that's what gave me courage to inquire about Lasik. I have my consultation tomorrow, in fact.

    Just some random person in the Midwest who shares that in common with you and thought she'd let you know.


Post a Comment

<< Home