Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Crafty Homemade Crap

Alllllright. We need a bit of happy here at Blogs Are Stupid. And happy is as happy does, right?

The Migraine is gone, thanks to the wonders of modern pharmacology and a doctor who recognizes when a patient is at the end of her rope and is willing to bring out the big guns. Crying helps.

I'm still a little woozy and weak in the cerebral sense, so I will share with you a very silly thing that has made me happy.

But first, a little preface.

I'm a bit of a humbug. I don't really dig Christmas. I don't loathe it the way that some people do, but I'm just not that into it. It's hard for me, living here in the South. Christmas to me means snow, and caroling, and sledding and WINTER fer crying out loud.

It means rosy cheeks and warm jammies and heavy quilts and hot cocoa, even though I don't really like hot cocoa. I would like to be able to drink it if I did like it. It just seems wrong to be celebrating Christmas when it's 75 degrees outside. I can't get into it.

But I try, for my boys. I think I do okay. I'm not a baker or a candy maker. Too much fiddly farting around for me. Too much mess. And I don't particularly enjoy cooking anyway.

But I do decorate the house. I like to put out my Lefton Holly Christmas China and my vintage Christmas linens. I like being the tree nazi. That's what Husband calls me. I'll own that.

I'm a creative person, but I'm not a crafty Martha Stuart-y type person. Usually when I try to whip up some crafty homemade thing, it looks like a pile of crafty homemade crap.

Last year, I found these cute little Christmas baskets at the dollar store. I bought three of them, but then they just sat there, because I had no idea what to do with them, and I knew that anything I did do with them would just look dumb and....crappy.

This year, I bought a bunch of cinnamon scented pine cones at Michael's to stick in them because I figured that would be pretty hard to screw up. Then, on a whim, I stuck a couple candy canes in for good measure.

The result? Well, maybe Martha wouldn't be impressed, but I don't think the crafty homemade crap police will be issuing me a citation either.

Not bad for $1.98, huh? Is it? It is. It looks like crap, doesn't it. It's crafty homemade crap. And I have those stupid things all over the damn house.

Well who cares. It smells really good.

OOPS, I almost forgot my other very simple little holiday happy maker. If you take an ordinary cup of coffee, add two or three Hershey's Peppermint Kisses and stir well, you will have a delicious cup of creamy peppermint coffee.

If you like that sort of thing. If you don't like peppermint, don't do it.

Because that would just be dumb. And not happy at all.


  • At 2:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I say eat the candy canes and you're all good. I love the cinnamon pine cones. I need a new bag. Last years don't smell anymore.

  • At 2:44 PM, Blogger ShortyMom said…

    I like the basket, and if you can get by decorating with only $1.98 then more power to ya. I'd gladly make things that don't cost an arm and a leg when I'm finished. The kids teachers are getting homemade Christmas ornaments and when I get done it should only cost me a couple of dollars each. Christmas means snow to me as well, but we don't get that much of it any more. So I just suffer through, watch the forecast and hope.

  • At 2:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • At 3:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm not crafty, either...and I think even I could manage this one!

    BTW...the above comment was mine and was deleted due to the fact that it made very little sense. I should not comment on two hours sleep.

  • At 3:28 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    I knew there was a little martha in you!

    Glad to hear about the migraine, btw. I am fighting a mother of one as we speak.


  • At 4:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This really made me laugh, love your sense of humor!

  • At 4:29 PM, Blogger we_be_toys said…

    Hey, those baskets don't LOOK like they were only a buck 98!
    I know what you mean about needing some cold doggone winter to get into the mood - its too freakin warm in NC as well, but I bet its snowing up around the lakes, durn it!!
    I need a road trip to the tundra!!!

  • At 4:32 PM, Blogger sltbee69 said…

    From one non crafty person to another - you done good! I can't tell you paid next to nothing to make it. As far as snow - I'm in the Southern end of the Midwest and it's always a crap shoot whether we'll have it for XMas.

  • At 4:33 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    I'd have a hard time getting into the Christmas spririt living in the south also... The one year we lived in GA, I went home to IN for the Holidays so it wouldn't feel so strange... I'm a weenie like that.

    anyway, the basket looks great to me! I dig it!

    I don't dig peppermint though, so I'll skip the coffee. I don't like coffee either. ;) Talk about a humbug. Sigh.

  • At 4:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have bags of pine cones you could have. Every year I pack them away in thriplicate plastic sealable bags and douse with some festive fragrance oil and up they go into the loft with the rest of the stuff come January 1st. Then around October/November time I spot a gorgeous bag of smelly Christmas pine cones in some shop and buy a couple - only to realise on Dec 1st that I still have bags from five years ago stashed up in the loft. I do it every year!

    Your blog realy makes me chuckle.
    Are you a little like 'Malcolm in the Middle's Mother?

  • At 6:00 PM, Blogger Tania said…

    Who says you aren't Martha-y?

  • At 7:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am sooo not crafty, but I like your bowl. I bet it smells wonderful.

    I grew up in the southwest. Moved up to the northwest almost 17 years ago. I like the weather up here, the seasons. When my dad passed away a decade ago, I went back to the warm south - in November. It was about 70 degrees outside and when I drove by my old elementary school, the kids were in shorts. That really surprised me. That's when I realized that I'm used to the northwest weather - I can't fathom anything above 50 in November. And I LOVE the snow!

    Now I really need to buy some peppermint kisses - can't wait to put 'em in my coffee!

  • At 9:09 PM, Blogger All Things BD said…

    I like your bowl-it's homey and I be it smells divine. Now, if you REALLY wanted to make it craptastic, I have one word for you: glitter. Nothing says homemade craft crap like glitter.

    I had lost all hope that it would feel like the holidays when it was 82 DEGREES last weekend. It's just not right. High was 44 degrees today. That's more like it.

  • At 12:16 AM, Blogger anne said…

    Well done on the holiday craft. You are leaps and bounds ahead of me. I AM a crafty type person and the only thing decorating my table so far is the mail. And probably a dirty glass.

    And after reading crafty crap so many times, I think it has mutated into a new word in my head. How about "crapft"? Yes? No?

  • At 4:32 AM, Blogger Kiy said…

    I like the bowl thing, but then I am seriously into stuff-that-smells-good. Also, peppermint kisses? What rock have I been living under? If it wasn't 130am I'd be on my way to the store!

  • At 9:48 AM, Blogger Chanda (aka Bea) said…

    "Fiddly Farting around" BWAHHAHAAHAHAHA! You crack me up! But Martha's got nothing on you, the basket looks great, and I am so going to the store tonight for peppermint kisses!.

  • At 10:30 AM, Blogger SUEB0B said…

    Please come over and decorate my house. So far I have a fake hollyish wreath on the front door post. Nothing else...

  • At 11:46 PM, Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said…

    OK, I'm impressed. I just tried my hand at crocheting and I think I may be able to give everyone on my list a bit long. . .incredibly skinny scarf??? I must've fallen and broken my crafty bone at a younger age, b/c my sister and my mom have one intact.

  • At 4:27 AM, Blogger vailian said…

    Where I live, it is considered bad taste to put up the tree before Dec. 23rd... but as I am a paragon of failed taste I ignore that and put up the tree when I damn well please. My kids appreciate it but don't boast about it to their friends.
    I think you have a great Xmas spirit despite your denials; for an example of what AntiChristmas spirit can look like, check out this.
    And, btw, you write beautifully!


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