The Problem With Lapdogs

I've been considering getting a lapdog. They are supposedly good company, and are stupidly loyal; never concerning themselves with the morality, integrity or benificence of their masters. They don't ask for much. A tummy rub, a crunchy bone, and a leg to hump every now and then keeps them perfectly happy. In return, they will bite the mailman, frighten small children off the lawn, and dispatch pesky solicitors. Quiet a handy little creature to have about, I thought.

But the problem with lapdogs, is that they are too stupid to realize that the hand that feeds them is just as likely to rub their nose in shit.

No, you can keep those tail wagging, butt sniffing, vomit lapping little buggers. I'll stick to cats. I like a species with a mind of its own.