SMITE ME, OH MIGHTY SMITER!

Continuing in the same vein as my previous post, another thing I hear often here in the Bible Belt is that "The hand of God must have been upon you."

Example:

"Me'n Rita Mae got to the cellar just afore the tornayda hit."

"Goodness...the hand of God must have been upon you today!

or, conversely,

"I just cain't b'lieve I lost ALL the grocery money bettin' on Daryl Waltrip."

"Well, I do believe the hand of God must have been on you today."

Whether in beneficience or in judgement, the hand of God is, here in the South, a very real phenomenon.

And you know what? Today, I found myself almost believing that very thing. Because on the heels of what was an irreverent and somewhat snarky post, it seems as if the hand of God reached down and smacked me right on the bottom like an errant child.

My Mom and Dad, like most parents of their generation, spanked us occasionally. If it was a mild spanking, (and it usually was) we were sometimes told "That was just to get your attention."

As Diminutive One and I left his therapist's office, I put the van in reverse, took my foot off the brake, and

WHAM!!

Screeching metal, breaking glass and a child screaming. Confusion. Realization. Anger. And the odd and immediate sense that someone was trying to get my attention.

He succeeded.

God reached down in the form of a cocky young guy in a Lexus and smote me for my irreverence. Smote me good.

We're okay. There were no injuries. My van isn't damaged that badly, considering how hard we were hit. We were in a parking lot, but still the guy hit me hard enough to spin me 180 degrees to the right. I hadn't even begun backing out yet. I don't know how he managed to hit me. Was he talking on his phone? Fiddling with his iPod? Retrieving a dropped pen?

Diminutive One was badly shaken. Sitting in the back seat, he felt more of the impact than I did. And, he shares my unfortunate propensity for always extrapolating how much worse it could have been. Sure we're fine, but we could have been KILLED!

Well, in a parking lot, probably not, but you never know. He seems almost as excited by the prospect as he is horrified. And he is dying to tell the story at school today. But his night was long and sleepless, as was mine.

So, um, I get it, big G. Enough with the irreverent schtick. I hear ya loud and clear.

I didn't mean anything by it, I swear. I was just trying to be funny and provocative.

Clearly, you have every right to chasten those you feel deserving, but might I humbly suggest that there are a lot of other things that could use your attention right now?

Burma/Myanmar. Iran and Iraq. Gaza. The Sudan. Darfur. And right here in the U.S. there are people starving. Homeless. Struggling.

Not trying to tell you how to do your job, but, ummm....lots of stuff to address there, big G.

Oh, and...perhaps you could see fit to smite Ahmedinejad just a little? It has been said that his is merely a figurehead who lacks any real authority or power, but surely he deserves smiting simply because he is smug, smarmy and wholly lacking in human decency....no?


While I'm thinking about it, could you smite Bush just a little as well for vetoing the State Children's Health Insurance Program bill?

Just a little smite is all I'm asking. Juuuuuuust a little love tap like the one you gave me.

Get their attention. K?

Thanks.


Post Script for my more literal minded readers: This post was again, meant to be irreverent, somewhat humorous and a weensy bit sarcastic. I don't actually think God was punishing me for my post yesterday. I don't actually think God reads my blog. If there is, in fact, a God (jury's still out on that one for me) I don't believe he needs to. I would think omnipotence comes with certain advantages, after all.