More Stupider

I'm on my third Migraine this week.

A couple weeks ago, I suffered the worst Migraine of my life that lasted for three days and after which, my left eyelid drooped for several days.

That freaked me the flock out.

Did you know that more people die from Migraine related stroke than from handgun violence?

My doctor ordered an MRI and referred me to a neurologist. She also prescribed Topamax. But Topamax can take up to 4 months to reach maximum effectiveness because you have to start at a low dose and build to a therapeutic level.

In the meantime, the migraines are increasing in frequency, though they do seem a smidge less severe. I still have to take to my bed more often than not, but at least I haven't been puking my guts out.

We have CRAPPY insurance. Husband works for a small local company that the owner recently bought back from Big Corporate Conglomerate. He is tryiing to cut costs wherever possible and that means high premiums, copays and deductibles.

It's going to cost $1100 out of pocket for me to have the MRI, so it will have to wait until after the first of the year. I don't know about you, but we don't happen to have $1100 lying around this time of year.

I'm honestly at my wit's end.

My life is being lived at the mercy of migraines. Diminutive One has a school project that was due Friday, and I had to ask his teacher to extend the due date for him because I've been too sick to help him with it.

My oldest son sometimes has to get himself off to school because I am in so much pain that I go back to bed as soon as Diminutive One gets on the bus. He is old enough and perfectly capable, of course, but it still fills me with guilt.

I've had migraines all my life, and I've always prided myself on that fact that I have not let them interfere with my parenting. I have gone to baseball games, school functions, doctors appointments and playdates with Migraines.

But I can't do that anymore. I can't push through the pain like I used to. My coping mechanisms don't seem to be as effective as they once were. Is it age? I don't know.

Which is why I've started researching different drug therapies after years of not using anything. I've already been through quite a few that were either ineffective, or that produced unbearable side effects.

I think the Topamax is working. As I said, though the Migraines have increased in frequency (which I don't believe is related to the medication) they are less severe, and, I think, shorter in duration. I think that trend will continue as my dosage increases.

But..here's the rub...Topamax causes aphasia. It's not pronounced, but it is there. And for someone like me, it's maddening.

At first, I thought I was imagining it, because I'm kind of paranoid about taking drugs and all their various side effects. But Husband has noticed it, my kids have noticed it, friends have noticed it, and my sister noticed it during a phone conversation the other day.

So I either let Migraines rule my life and that of my family, or I take medicine that robs me of my one true pride...words.

I started out at 25mg of Topamax and am currently taking 50mg. The goal is to build to 200mg. I can't imagine what a blithering idiot I will be at that dosage.

Perhaps I will have to change the name of my blog to "Blog Is Stupid and Getting More Stupid Every Day".

Anyway...if you've been wondering about my lack of substantive content lately...that's the reason. Between the chaos of Christmas and the Migraines and the medicine...it's all I can do to remember my own name.

Bear with me.