A Horse And A Bear

Of A Different Color and A Mama One, that is.

Forgive me for using this blog yet again as a platform for my parental woes.

But I am well and truly riled now, and I need to work through this before I go off half cocked. As with most issues that arise in my life, writing helps to clarify and lend perspective. And, perhaps more importantly, the act of writing gives me a measure of physical comfort and emotional solace, which helps me to see the situation more objectively.

And believe it or not, I do find comments in regard to these kinds of things very helpful. Yesterday, I was wrestling with the issue of whether or not I was overreacting. Your comments helped me to see that I was not.

Also, I guess that I really hope someone will learn something that maybe they can use later on. I don't have anybody to ask about this stuff. It's all guesswork and instinct on my part. Nobody writes books titled "What to Expect When Life Sucks For Your Kid"

I just want somebody to tell me WHAT TO DO.

So, my son told me the following regarding the incident yesterday, after I had already talked with the principal:

1. No adult actually heard him say "Suck My Balls."

2. The two children who levelled the accusation are two that are known to be unkind and antagonistic toward him. For example, at the beginning of the year when Diminutive One was struggling so mightily, one of those children happened to see an F on one of his papers. For the next two weeks, he referred to Diminutive One as "Big Fat F", which cut him to the quick. That's just one example of the kind of thing has been going on all year.

3. The teacher made all the children in the class write a letter of accusation to the principal. WTF?? Talk about a witch hunt. I know how noisy it is in that lunchroom. And the children are seated at two very long tables. There is no way that any of the children but those seated immediately across and beside him heard what he said, if, in fact, he said it, unless he shouted it out, and frankly, my boy is not that stupid.

These things bother me a great deal.

I emailed the teacher last night asking her if she would please give me her perspective on the events as they occurred, and she responded by telling me that I could ask the principal if I had any further questions.

In other words, she has been given a gag order.

I received a form in Diminutive One's backpack stating that I agreed to the punishments discussed. I was to sign and return it. I did not sign it. I jotted a note on it asking the principal to contact me to discuss the matter further.

She called me at noon today. I told her, in what I thought was a very calm and diplomatic manner, that although I do not excuse or condone Diminutive One's behavior, that due to his ADHD and anxiety disorder, I did not feel that denying him recess was a productive course of action, particularly considering the stress of taking CRCT this week.

Her response?

"Well, I understand, but he does have PE, so he is getting an opportunity to run around and expend some energy".

PE is twice a week for 30 minutes.

I told her it wasn't enough. I also told her that he was already teetering on the brink of collapse due to his anxiety (which he is, despite our talk the other day) and that further stress could really be devastating for him. This is all true, although I don't think, likely.

She was very snide and condescending, and I got the feeling she couldn't get me off the phone fast enough. She was not interested in hearing about Diminutive One's issues, she was not interested in hearing my opinion, she was not interested in justice being served.

She was simply indignant at having her authority challenged.

I did manage to get Diminutive One's sentences commuted until CRCT testing is over. But I am not satisfied with that. Husband and I discussed it and we have decided that this is serious enough that it needs to be addressed, and we will go as high as we need to go to get justice for our son.

I spoke with Dimiuntive One about the situation. I explained that the reason I was upset was not that he was having to face the consequences of his actions, but that he was convicted without due process and that others were coerced into bearing witness against him. And also, that his punishment was excessive in proportion to the nature of his crime.

"What would happen if one of my friends got mad at me, and went to the police station, and told them that I shoplifted. Would the police come and arrest me?"

"No...." he said, slowly realizing where I was going. "They would have to have proof. Like video showing you stealing or finding the stuff at our house."

"What if that person got a whole bunch of other friends to say you had stolen too? Would that make a difference?"

"No! Because they could be lying to just to help their friend get revenge!"

"Exactly" I said, proudly. "And even if they had proof and so-called "witnesses" they would have to give you a trial and an opportunity to defend yourself."

He said, "You're right Mom! That's an inalienable right under the Constitution. My Constitutional rights were violated."

Again, he's no dummy.

So that's where it stands right now. Husband and I are researching policy, marshalling support from various sources, and getting our ducks in a row.

Mama Bear is ready to rumble. Here me fucking roar.