Only Me

I was applying mascara yesterday in preparation for an impromptu trip to Wal-Mart. I know, mascara is not a prerequisite for shopping at Wal-Mart. Hell, teeth are not a pre-requisite for shopping at Wal-Mart.

But because we spent all of Spring Break doing home improvement, I hadn't had make-up or decent clothes on in over a week, and my hair had been up in a ponytail for so many days in a row that I was developing a sore spot on top of my head.

Needless to say, I was feeling very frumpy and dishevelled. Plus, I was grouchy and irritable thanks to Eve and her inability to follow one very simple little directive.

I thought putting on some make-up and fixing my hair a little might brighten my outlook.

Alas, my mascara has apparently reached the threshold whereby it stops being all smooth and creamy and becomes the consistency of spackle. When I finished applying it, I realized that I was looking decidedly Tammy Fay-ish.

But rather than take it off and start over, I pulled out my handy dandy safety pin, which I keep at hand for just such an emergency.

As I was using it separate my spiderifficly gummed up lashes, I thought to myself...

Gee, wouldn't it suck if I slipped and poked myself in the eyeball with this thing?

And then I poked myself right in the eyeball with that thing.

My four thousand dollar eyeball.

Well, two thousand, really, cause it was four thousand total for the surgery.

Foolhardy thought it may be, I've been using a pin to separate my lashes since I began wearing mascara 25 years ago, and not once have I poked myself in the eye. Not once have I even considered that I might poke myself in the eye.

And then, as soon as the thought was thunk, it happened. It's as if my brain somehow short circuited right at that very moment.

Weird.

Only me, People. Only me.

Don't worry, it's fine. Corneas heal quickly thank God, and I didn't like...impale my eyeball.

It's just a little surface scratch, which I've gotten before from getting debris under my contact lenses, games of "Hey! My Mom has an eyeball too!" and various other cosmetic industrial/household accidents.

Right about now, you should be feeling like the smartest person on the planet in comparison.

Superiority. It's the gift that keeps on giving.