More On Faith

So, it seems that Diminutive One has acquired quite a female following.

There is a group of girls, ages 5 to 10, that are siblings of Pubescent One's teammates. There are two little boys his age as well, but they don't attend regularly.

As a result of having to while away many long hours of spectatorship at the ballpark together, he has become quite friendly with these girls.

They flirt with him outrageously but he is completely oblivious to that fact. He is nice to them and very happy to have someone to keep him company. But he doesn't flirt back because he just doesn't get it.

One little girl, who is the Coach's daughter, is his particular friend. They really dig each other in a "My Girl" kind of way. Recently, she had her first communion, and it was a very big deal. As such, it was the topic of much discussion between the two.

One evening, Diminutive One told me that "Abby" kept asking him what religion he was. We've had many similar discussions before, but I don't think I've ever given him a way to explain what it is that we believe, or don't believe as the case may be.

So I said, "The next time someone asks you that, you can say that you are an Agnostic."

"What's that??" he asked.

"Well, that means that we don't really believe in or belong to any one religion the way some people do. We don't do things that religious people do, like praying or going to church."

To which he replied, "Well that can't be good."

Good one, B.A. Let's try again.

"No, it is good honey. Because we like to explore and learn about many different beliefs, and we don't think there is a right or wrong way to worship God. We don't hate or exclude people because they believe differently from us."

That was the end of the discussion, but not the end of his ruminations. Later that evening, he raised the issue again.

"Mom, maybe we should be Catholic like Abby."

"Oh really? Why is that?"

He shrugged noncommitally. "It just seems kind of cool. She got a new bike for her first communion. What's communion?"

I explained, as best I was able, but the concept was a little abstruse for him to wrap his mind around.

I didn't tell him that once, my Father and his parents and his 11 aunts and uncles and all their children, had been staunch Catholics. Or that when my Grandmother decided to leave the Catholic church, she and my Father and his two brothers were all but abandonded by people who were supposed to love them.

I didn't tell him that because my father had a Baptist minister perform my grandmother's funeral service, her own brothers and sisters refused to attend, and the few family members that did keep in touch with him, stopped. I didn't tell him that when my Father's most beloved Aunt passed away, nobody felt compelled to tell him until she had been dead an entire year.

I didn't tell him that Catholicism had made many people in our family bitter and unhappy.

Instead, I told him that whatever he wanted to do, or believe, or learn about, was okay with us.

"Maybe you should ask Abby some more about it. Maybe her Mom and Dad would take you to their church to see how you like it."

He looked thoughtful for a moment and then he said, "Well...maybe I'll just ask for a bike for my birthday. That communion thing seems a little weird."

"Dude..religion isn't about getting presents. It's about believing in something greater than ourselves. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. I know. I just haven't decided if I believe that stuff yet."

"That's okay. I haven't either. But you have lots of time. It's not something you want to make a snap decision about. When something feels right, you'll know."

"How would you know?" he said dubiously.

"Well, I don't know from personal experience. But I've talked to a lot of people about it. And I have to believe that eventually, I'll find something that makes me feel the way I want to feel."

"Oh. Will you let me know when that happens?"

"You'll be the first to know, I promise. Well, besides God, that is."

He rolled his eyes at me, in a manner disconcertingly similar to that recently perfected by his 13 year old brother.

"IF there is a God."

"Yes, IF."

"Mom? Don't all religions believe in some kind of God?"

"Weeeeellllll, I'm no expert, but yes, I think most religions believe in a divine being."

"So..don't you think there might be something to that?"

"There might be, babe. There just might be."

I've written about this before...this feeling that I have that I am failing my kids because I have not provided them with the security that comes from faith. I feel that I am failing them when they ask for answers and I give them only more questions. I feel that I am failing them because I don't know, and kids expect parents to know...everything.

The only faith I can give him is that when he asks questions, I will answer honestly.

I hope that's enough. For now.