Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Mom Incoming

They say confession is good for the soul, so here's mine: I stand outside restroom doors and listen while my male children are inside. If they take too long, I open the door a smidge and call their names. If they don't respond, I knock loudly on the door and yell "MOM INCOMING!!" and go in. I've surprised more than one poor guy, and I honestly hope I didn't cause a raging bladder infection or unfortunate zipper trauma. I sincerely apologize for any injury or embarassment I may have caused.

This is a bit of a quandry for parents with opposite sex children, and I can't really think of a better way to handle the situation.

Until recently, I made them come in the women's restroom with me. My younger one probably still would, but my oldest child, who is perilously close to puberty, would rather wear lacy pink pantaloons to school than enter a women's restroom. I can't blame the kid. He's at that age when a Victoria's Secret commercial on the television makes him turn eight shades of red; I doubt he could survive the embarassment of hearing a woman tinkle...or...god forbid...pinch a loaf. That's courtesy of my increasingly enlightened firstborn. Eloquent, isn't it?

So, sensitive though I am to his issues, I can't shake my fear of what or whom might be lurking in a public restroom waiting for a hapless child to wander in. When my firstborn was just a few months old, there was a news story about a child who was raped and murdered in a park restroom while his family picnicked nearby. I was horrified and sickened and thought about it endlessly for weeks. It was the first time that I really understood that there was more to keeping my child alive than making sure he was well fed, up to date on his vaccinations, and prevented from sticking pointy metal objects into electrical outlets. I not only had to be on gaurd against my own bumbling ineptitude, but the malevolence of others as well.

My husband, as he often does, thinks I am borrowing trouble. I counter by reminding him of that time I stole the baby from him to prove a point. He is a wonderful father; loving, playful, patient, and involved. But I don't think men have the same nose for danger that women do. We can smell it, taste it...feel it in our guts. And I think we are all to aware that the guilt would destroy us if our children were to be harmed through some fault of ours, either directly, or because we ignored that feeling that something was very wrong, and dismissed it as being "overprotective".

So that's my compromise. Mom Incoming. Guys, I hope you understand, and I swear to you, at my age, a penis is a penis. Unless, of course, it exceeds the normal length/girth expectations, in which case, I reserve the right to gape openly.

(Post Script: Apologies for the rather banal offering today. I realize it isn't up to my usual standards. Mommy brain strikes even the most querolous bloggers, I guess.)


  • At 2:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    No apologizes necessary. Having a couple of boys of my own, I've dealt this this dilemma for years. Nice to see this topic put so eloquently. I admit to being over-protective, but that's okay, because putting my child at risk is worse.

  • At 11:59 PM, Blogger Wendy said…

    I have 3 little boys..I'm right with you on that one. I too think of horrid things that lurk in the men's room. I've never been afraid to "go in".

  • At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I read your post to my DH and he LOL. Happily, DH was 100% in agreement. This is a very tricky quandry for men especially who have little girls out in public. Every now and again I will see public restrooms labeled "Parent and Child", this is certainly the way forward and makes the most sense; particularly in places which have large number of children.

    Your blog is now on my favorites and I visit it daily. Thanks for speaking for us ordinary women, no yawning here.

  • At 4:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have always been stressed about that situation, too. Thankfully my boys almost never need to use a restroom when we're out somewhere, lol! I'm going to use "Mom Incoming" should I ever need it. Thanks for the idea!



Post a Comment

<< Home