Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Wherein We Both Learn A Valuable Lesson

There was one day last week when it was actually cold enough here in Georgia to need a hat.

Since we wear them rarely, we have precious few hats and mittens. And, since trying to find hats and mittens in Georgia in February is like trying to finding organic boobage in Hollywood, I hoard them with a fierceness usually reserved for diamonds and precious metals.

On the morning in question, I sent Diminutive One to school in a hat. He did not come back in a hat. Every day since, I have asked him about the hat.

We are going to Wisconsin the day after Christmas, so I am already making lists and gathering supplies. I need to know we have winter apparel so I don't have to pay out the nose for it the day before we leave because there's a freak blizzard occurring six states away.

You've probably guessed by now that I am not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal. Spontanaeity is not really my strong suit.

But anyway...

I told Diminutive One that the hat MUST come home with him Friday, or he would face my wrath. He swore that he would bring home his hat.

He didn't bring home his hat.

And I just had this sneaking suspicion that there was more to the story than a simple "I forgot".

"Diminutive One, what happened to your hat."

"Well, Mom, I had to throw it away."

"WHAT? WHY? It was a perfectly good hat!"

"Mom. It was dangerous."

I stared at him blankly. I smelled a whopper coming.

"And just how was it dangerous Diminutive One?"

"You know how the eyes on the dragon glow?"

They didn't "glow". They sort of kind of "glittered", if anything. There were tiny, cheap little crystals sewn on where the eyes were. But I went with it. I was really interested to see where this was going.

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, it turns out that there are wires in there, that make the eyes glow. I happened to see them when I dropped the hat and saw them poking out. I could have been electrocuted in the brain, Mom. I had to get rid of it. It just wasn't safe."

He stood there, looking at me; the picture of innocence with his big blue eyes and his round, freckled cheeks.

It was all I could do not to laugh. My mouth might have twitched just a little as I stood there, thinking about how to proceed with my teller of tall tales.

"Dude, just tell me what happened to the hat. I won't be mad."

"I swear, Mom. I threw it away. It was a safety issue."

I gave him my most piercing look, but he never wavered. He's a tough nut that one.

"Well I guess if it was a safety issue..."

"It was." he said earnestly.

I figure somebody told him it was a dorky hat and that's was all it took for the hat to find it's way into the trash. I can't say similar things did not meet a similar fate when I was a kid.

"Well, that's too bad, cause you really liked that hat. Maybe I could find another one like it. I think I saw one at Target."

"No!" he said, a little too hastily.

"I mean, I can wear one of the other hats. It's not that big a deal. I don't really need a hat with a dragon on it. I guess...I guess I could make do with a plain one."

"Well good for you. Who cares what everybody else thinks right?"

"Right." he said morosely.

"You are you're own man."

"Sure am."

"You're a leader, not a follower."

"Uh-huh" he sighed. And then he slunk away.

Wow. Who knew the guilt thing can work to my advantage? Forget grounding. I'm filing that little gem away for future use.


  • At 4:53 PM, Blogger painted maypole said…

    dude, I'll wear the sparkling eyed dragon hat!

  • At 5:11 PM, Blogger Maureen Fitzgerald said…

    There are always an abundance of hats in WI ...have no fear. (And WHY are you coming to WI? Florida is a much nicer destination in the winter, trust me! I hope you are at least sticking to the *somewhat* warmer southern part of the state.)

  • At 5:51 PM, Blogger Maddy said…

    Fabulous! Just love the logic - aren't you glad you blog?

    This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

  • At 6:28 PM, Blogger S said…

    he TOTALLY reminds me of ben! i don't think we should get those two together, LOL!

  • At 7:05 PM, Blogger Kiy said…

    /takes notes ...

    P.S. Um, I do have to agree. Going north in winter = BAD. Going south in winter = good. If it's a family visit, make them come to you! :)

  • At 7:28 PM, Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said…

    Why did this post remind me of an episode of The X Files?

  • At 7:52 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    He's getting quite clever in his old age!!

  • At 10:26 PM, Blogger Angela said…

    I give him points on his answer.
    after all you wouldn't want wires in his head right.

  • At 12:08 AM, Blogger Amie Adams said…

    Wow! That kind of guilt is super advanced!! I'm very impressed.

    I love his safety issue story though. Very creative.

  • At 2:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Kids, don't you just want to hug them? We all did the same too no doubt.

  • At 9:54 AM, Blogger slow panic said…

    ok. i remember those days. when i knew the logic of my kid world would not be understood in the logic of the adult world. or so i thought.

  • At 9:13 AM, Blogger Tootsie said…

    Wow, we're in the same boat! We too are heading up from Georgia to Wisconsin after Christmas. And I've already been digging out our hats and gloves and trying to find some for my little one.

  • At 12:19 PM, Blogger sltbee69 said…

    Wow! He's a smart one that kid. Too funny!

  • At 2:31 PM, Blogger Tela said…

    I'd warn against the guilt thing. My own parents did it to me, and now I do it to my SO. It's not a fun pattern--and can breed unfriendly feelings toward those who use it too frequently.

    But I was a very well-behaved kid... so...


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