The Post That Almost Wasn't

We bloggers all struggle at times to come up with pithy, interesting, thought provoking content. And how many times have you started a blog post, maybe even finished it, only to realize that it was, in fact, french fried tripe and wholly unfit for publication?

Scores, right? Yeah, me too. I written some abysmally bad posts. Some of them I even posted. You can find them if you look but I'm certainly not providing you with a road map.

A couple days ago, Veronica Mitchell over at Toddled Dredge wrote a very funny post about all the post ideas she has conceived and then rejected.

I actually thought all the ideas were pretty interesting, but I especially loved the "Ten Snoggable Literary Characters Meme."

Or, as she put it, "Ten Literary Characters I Would Totally Make Out With If I Were Single and They Were Real But I’m Not, Single I Mean, I Am Real, But I’m Also Happily Married and Want to Stay That Way So Maybe We Should Forget This"

And now, she has generously made it a reality for all us uber geeks who fall in love with fictional people. No matter how well developed those characters are, that's a little freaky.

Eh well. I embrace my inner freak whenever possible, but especially in regard to hot dudes in breeches who frolic through the landscape of my libidinous imagination. I've tried to include a mix of classic and contemporary characters.

So without further ado...

Ten literary characters I would totally snog.

1. James Alexander Malcom Mackenzie Fraser from Outlander.

Hands down. Bar None. Without question. He is big and brawny and bold and brutal, but he is tender, kind, sensitive, educated, and principled. He's also a one woman man. Damn Claire Fraser's whiskey eyed hide. Plus, he wears a kilt and speaks with a Scottish brogue. I told Husband he'd get a lot more sex if he'd just learn to do that.

2. Fitzwilliam Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.

He is the archetypical brooding, aloof romantic protagonist. But again, we find, that his churlishness hides a deeply passionate nature. He is bound by the constraints of Victorian convention and the burden of duty, but in the end, he cannot let his love for Elizabeth go undeclared. He risks his pride and discards his prejudice to claim the love of his life. SIGH.

3. Rhett Butler from Gone With the Wind.

I'm not talking about Clark Gable as Rhett Butler, although he was incredibly dashing. But Rhett Butler as written by Margaret Mitchell was a much more complex character, trying to navigate a world of complicated social mores and volatile political unrest. He may be a scoundrel and a rakehell, and his love and devotion to Scarlett is not always demonstrated by conventional methods, but it is always fierce, always constant. Scarlett as portrayed by Vivian Leigh doesn't deserve him. But Scarlett the literary character knows that her Rhett is a man of rare character and strength, even if her pride won't let her admit it.

4. George from Of Mice and Men.

George is not an educated man. He is not a handsome man. But he is smart, and capable, and he cares for the mentally challenged Lenny with a depth and tenderness that is incongruous in an era that brings out the desperation and brutality of men. The strength of his love is put to the ultimate test and passes when he gives Lenny the ultimate gift. That. Is sexy.

5. Edmund Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo

What is it that makes revenge so sexy? Dantes is another character that is absolutely brilliant in his complexity. He is a study in contrasts. He is educated and resourceful, but brutal and predatory. Dantes knows the hearts of men. It's that knowledge that enables him to exact his revenge in such a delicious and diabolical way; by using the greed and avarice that lurks in the black depths of his enemies to bring about their destruction. But he's not without his tendernesses. Indeed, he loves deeply and without reservation. And that's what makes him so fabulously sexy.

6. Father Ralph De Briccassart from The Thornbirds

I had almost forgotten about him, but Antique Mommy reminded me of how much I loved him once upon a time. God, I must have read The Thornbirds about 72 times when I was a teenager. Forbidden love...what could be more titillating? Really, if you think about it, he is a terrible reprobrate, but Colleen McCollough takes a man who is essentially a pedophile and a disgrace to his office, and makes him not only not disgusting, but sexy, sympathetic and tragically romantic. It wouldn't take much for me to confess all my sins to Father Ralph. I'd even wear a little plaid skirt and kneesocks. And THAT my dear readers would be something to see on this aging bod.

7. Lestat De Lioncourt from The Vampire Chronicles

I think I've mentioned before that I have a strong penchant for vampire lore. One reason is that I find it incredibly erotic. I just about climaxe just watching Gary Oldman as Dracula. Lestat de Lioncourt is petulant, spoiled, whiny and self-involved. But he is also passionate and sensitive and he loves without reserve or apology. Above all, he hungers. Not for blood, but the life he has left behind and all the richness it has to offer.

8. Stu Redmon from The Stand

God I love Stu. What a brilliantly developed character. At first we are led to believe that he is a simple, uneducated country hick from East Texas. But he turns out to be a strong and intelligent man who can inspire love and loyalty. He is humble but proud. Soft spoken but not ineffectual. He accepts leadership with pragmatism, while always questioning his ability to do justice to those who have placed their trust in him. He is a man's man.

9. Ike Crockett from The Descent

This book is so amazing. It's weird, but amazing, and totally unlike my usual fare. If you want reviews, go here, because I don't think I can do it justice and besides, this is not a review post. Ike Crockett is a wilderness guide who was kidnapped and enslaved by a heretofore undiscovered race of homidids that live deep beneath the earth's surface. He survives and escapes, but is left tortured and scarred, physically and emotionally. He is half human, half savage and struggling to hold onto his humanity long enough to lead a team of scientists and soldiers to the subterranean monsters. He's a complete enigma...mysterious and seductive. And what girl doesn't get all hot and bothered by that??

10. Aloysious Pendergast of Preston and Child's series of books.

He's not your typical sex symbol. His physical description alone does not inspire lust. But he is so incredibly interesting and unusual that the reader feels drawn to him. Well at lesast, this reader does. However, I think it's been previously established that I develop fascinations for unusual and/or quirky characters. Anyway...he's terribly cultured, educated, refined and intelligent. And did I say quirky? Quirky. But he can be cold blooded and vicious to save himself or to serve the interests of society as he perceives them. Again, his allure lies in his complexity as a man and a literary character.

Number 10 was a toss up between him and Hannibal Lecter, whom I find inexplicably sexy. Since he's a sociopathic monster, I went with Aloysious, although they are similar in many ways.

I'm not going to really tag anybody, but if you want to add yours in the comments please do. I'd love to hear them. I'd also love to know I'm not the only nerdburger who thinks about snogging fictional men.

If you're interested, I know Bubandpie has written about this as well, although much more creatively than I.

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In other blog news, you may have noticed my blogroll is gone. This is not a political statement of any kind I just realized that it was one of the things that was significantly slowing down my blog. As soon as I find a way to make it less cumbersome I'll put it back.