Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Quirky Is As Quirky Does

Life is all kinds of crazy this week.

I always said I wouldn't throw up any old post, just to satisfy my readers. I always said I wouldn't compromise the quality of my content for popularity or be a slave to my audience.

Apparently, I lied.

Because here it is Tuesday, three days after my last post, and I'm feeling a little anxious about it.

So here is the conundrum: Do I wait until I have time to sit down and write something thought provoking and substantive...which, at this rate, could be Labor Day, I throw up something flip and pithy to satisfy you all and keep you coming back for more. Assuming you like flip and pithy, of course.

It's a problem. A real problem.

I'm going with flip and pithy.

I kind of like my readers. I'm biased of course, but I think I get some of the most interesting and thoughtful comments that I've seen. I'd like it if you stuck around. And if there's one thing I've learned about blogging, it's that letting a blog languish is the kiss of death when it comes to readership.

I was sort of thinking about this topic anyway. I've been doing a lot of cleaning the last couple of days, and stimulating though that is, my mind...she wanders.

I'm quirky.

I hope quirky is a type of cute and lovable crazy, rather than institution grade madness, since I seem to have more than my fair share of oddball behaviors. I'm going to list a couple or ten and then, I'm going to ask you to share one with me. Because lunacy misery loves company.

1. I cannot slice things uniformly to save my life. Bread, tomatoes, cheese, all ends up looking as if I plan to use it to level stuff.

2. I like clumpy mascara. Because it needs to be clumpy if I'm going to pick it off while I'm watching television or blogging. Sometimes, I deliberately put on too much so I can pick it off later.

3. I have to sleep with three pillows. I have one upon which to lay my head, but then I have one on either side of me as well. It's a little cocoon of security. I'm a side sleeper you see, and I don't like to leave my back exposed, particularly if it faces a closet. But, it's also so that I have a hugging pillow on either side of me, thus eliminating the need to constantly reposition a single pillow. Husband and I do not sleep together due to snoring (his) so I can indulge this quirk. When we travel however, it can be a problem.

4. Speaking of closets, I can't sleep with the closet door open. Something about seeing that gaping black maw in the darkness makes me think of the gateway to hell.

5. I can't get into a clean bed dirty. If I have put clean sheets on the bed, then I must shower, even if I showered that morning. My family does not see the merits of this practice and I often have to browbeat them into bathing begrudgingly before bed, accustomed as they are to morning showers.

6. I don't like it when my fingernails extend over the end of my fingers. It grosses me out because stuff accumulates under there; dirt, food, make-up...ICK. I'm nto really a germophobe, but the thought of all the bacteria breeding....Occasionally, I get a wild hair and decide to get acrylic nails. They usually last about three days before I start trying to pry them off. I will never have beautifully manicured hands.

7. I am a chronic birthday forgetter. I would forget my own kids' birthdays if they didn't remind me every day for three weeks prior. You know those cards that proclaim "Sorry I forgot your birthday!" ? Those were made just for me. I've spawned an entire industry with my affliction. This is an inherited trait, as my mother is the same way.

8. I don't like to be barefoot, even in the house. I can't stand it when stuff sticks to the bottom of my feet.

9. I can't stand peas. They make me gag, literally. If I was being held captive by ruthless criminals who gave me the choice of eating peas or being tortured? I'd have to choose the torture.

I also don't like beans, for the same reason that I don't like peas, with the exception of the garden variety green. It's the texture. I don't like the way the skin pops and then the mushiness oozes out onto my tongue. ((shudder))

Stranely, I do enjoy split pea and lentil soups.

10. I have a profound fear of death, but I am morbidly fascinated with all things pertaining to it. Zombie and vampire lore fascinate me to no end. But Funerals are very difficult for me. Sometimes I feel physically ill at them.

There you go. Now you know what a nutjob I am, though it could be worse, I suppose. At least I'm not eating wallpaper paste or wearing my bathrobe to the grocery store.

I am going to have coffee with a new-ish acquaintance this morning, and I am far more excited by this prospect than any person should be. I really need to get out more.

I hope she doesn't find out about my slicing handicap or my unfortuante mascara habit.


  • At 8:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I enjoy flip & pithy as much as thought provoking. On days like today, when I have the raging sinus headache from hades, I actually kinda prefer it.

    I cannot touch peaches. I love the taste of them, but someone has to peel them first, because touching the fuzz on them literally gives me the willies and the repulsed ugh shiver.

    Seriously. Just thinking about it - I just did the willie shiver. Ew.

  • At 9:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can't even talk about the death thing. I think I am way past you in terms of fear. I can't read about it.

    I have a shaving OCD issue. I have to shave everything everyday or everytime I take a shower if I take more than one a day. I can't stand to let the hair on my legs, underarms or bikini area grow at all.

  • At 9:49 AM, Blogger Mom101 said…

    THREE DAYS without posting something prolific and perfect? What the hell is wrong with you, woman?

    I too hate beans. But also lentil soup, ew.

    Glad to see you back, woman. Write what's in your heart. Your place, your rules.

  • At 11:23 AM, Blogger Girlplustwo said…

    i love flip. and the mascara bit made me fall in love with you a little more.

  • At 11:33 AM, Blogger Shelley Jaffe said…

    How very interesting you should call your post FlipAndPithy, as that is in fact my middle name!

    As for the quirky - I am all about the quirky. Bless my family for only rolling their eyes (gently) and for not suggesting I don the lovely white-before-Labour-Day way too tight jacket (sleeves at the BACK? Edgy!).

    I will not drive behind a truck transporting the double layer of cars. I will not stop under an overpass, and if I have no choice, will fidget until the light turns green. I hate socks. I check to see my front door is locked at least twice. I am Monk.

  • At 11:48 AM, Blogger Green-Eyed Momster said…

    My closet IS the gateway to Hell. Just so you know. I also like fingernails short. I can get so much more done! I don't like peas or lentils either. Does anyone? I think you're very cool!

  • At 11:48 AM, Blogger jean said…

    Every once in a while a bit of flip and pithy is great! And I love quirky. I have a few quirks and it's very reassuring to know that you and others do as well. Thank you.

    Bananas make me gag. (no jokes necessary) Just the smell let alone touching one. Yet I loved banana nut bread. Go figure.

  • At 12:27 PM, Blogger Life As I Know It said…

    I've learned that I can't be profound and deep in every post. I just can't.
    So flip and pithy is a must too!

  • At 12:42 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    I, with your other readers, also enjoy flip and pithy. It's fun to know that you aren't as perfect as I picture you in my mind (because you are such a perfect writer).

    As far as quirks go... I appear to be a girl on the outside ~ I gave birth to babies, like to do my hair and makeup, wear dresses and the occasional boot with heals. But I burp and fart like a boy. It's quite surprising to hear from the unsuspecting bystander and I don't frequently do it in public. If I do, I blame it on my husband or kids (which they think is less funny each time I do it).

    I don't like shrimp but love any other kind of seafood.

    I love sushi but only eat the weenie kind.

    I can't stop thinking about food... even if I just ate a meal and am full ~ I am thinking about the next one.

  • At 12:49 PM, Blogger Sensitiva McFeelingsly said…

    I'm with you on the death thing. I hate funerals, and the thought of loved ones being hurt or dying makes me sick. BUT, I am a huge lover of horror novels. I love them. Surprisingly enough though, I despise horror films. I'm nto sure why, but it's much easier for me to deal with the pictures in my head than those presented on film.

    Weirdo (points to self). :)

  • At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think a combination of thought provoking or flip and pithy is good for any blog. Sometimes lighthearted is the ticket.

    I can't stand feta cheese. I gag at the smell (reminds me of feet). I tried it once in college and literally threw up.

    I would go barefoot most of the time (except in public) if I could. Even at work, where I know the floors get cleaned in the halls but not the offices. The feeling of free air on my skin is enough to make me happy. However, my shoes of choice are tennis shoes. I don't much dig sandals, mainly because I don't get pedicures and don't have the patience to keep my feet pretty. Feet are feet. They're not supposed to be pretty.

  • At 1:50 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    You are batshit.

    And I love you.

  • At 2:03 PM, Blogger All Things BD said…

    I like flip as well as the next person, so when you feel the need, go for it.

    My quirk: I cannot set my home thermostat nor my van's air conditioner to an odd number. It HAS to be even at all times. I've even tried to consciously set it odd in the van, and when I arrive at my destination, I find that I've changed it to an even number and can't even remember doing it.

    I am also borderline terrified of dry skin. I HATE the feel and/or sound of dry skin and use lotion constantly. When I see ladies in sandals and they have that dry cracked skin on their feet, I feel nauseated. Shudder.

  • At 4:43 PM, Blogger Terri said…

    I enjoy your blog either way you write it. As for my own quirks they are numerous, but one that comes to mind is my compulsion to straighten shoes that are just lying around. If I see a pair of shoes tossed haphazardly on the floor, I am irresistibly compelled to straighten them up. They don't have to be put away, but if I can see them I want them grouped in pairs with each shoe in the pair perfectly aligned, otherwise it bugs the snot out of me. You'd think I'd just put them away, but that'd be too easy.

  • At 6:37 PM, Blogger SUEB0B said…

    This was a fun post.

    The squishy popping thing was why I refused to eat peas for the first, oh, 41 years of my life. Now I can do it as long as I don't think about it too much, but I doubt if I will ever be someone who says "Ooh! Peas!"

    And slicing stuff? Guilty as charged. My exBF who was a machinist and very coordinated, used to shake his head and say "How do you DO that?"

  • At 8:15 PM, Blogger Middle Girl said…

    Whatever & whenever I'll be checking you out. Cool, fun, fascinating content. Now, enough about you.

    Weird me-socks. all. the. time. I do not wear any shoes without socks. I don't wear sandals, per se. I have shoes that have vents but there is a heel & closed toe.

    There is more, but this is your blog.

  • At 8:38 PM, Blogger anne said…

    Quirky. Hoo boy, where would I even begin?

    Texture is probably the biggest reason I avoid certain foods. My hubby's entire family LOVES olives. Not one of us that married into the family do. They think it's a hoot to offer me an olive at dinner and I just say "No thanks. I have a superball in my pocket that I'd rather chew on." Coconut? Forget it.

    But! I will eat garlic until it actually makes me sick. I mean doubled-over-in-pain sick. And then fart like a motor boat for the next two days.

  • At 9:22 PM, Blogger Sharon Matherson said…

    Symmetry, I must have symmetry. Take plain sandwich bread for example. When making a sandwich, the slices must match just as they were aligned in the loaf. Don't go flipping one slice over so the tops no longer match. This is most essential when making grilled cheese.

    Gotta go... the men in the white coats have finally come for me.

  • At 9:38 PM, Blogger Katie said…

    Loved the post, especially because i'm self-proclaimed quirky on my blog!

    As for quirky/crazy things about me: I can't have empty space under my bed. Too much scary space for...monsters? Have to stuff lots of storage things under there so the boogie man can't fit.

  • At 10:48 PM, Blogger Crazed Nitwit said…

    I hope you had a delightful coffee date. Pithy and flip works too.

  • At 12:11 AM, Blogger jess said…

    I totally get you on the peas & beans front. When I was a kid I would swallow my peas with milk, like pills, so I wouldn't have to chew them.

  • At 12:43 PM, Blogger Sarahviz said…

    I would rather be tortured than be forced to eat (or even smell) Cheetos.

  • At 2:35 PM, Blogger Poppy said…

    You are freaking me out in how quirksimilar we are.

    Peas make me gag too.

    I love lentil pie. Ohhhhh my, do I. Now I totally wanna make a lentil pie for dinner. Nope nope nope.

  • At 6:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I like pithy, but hate flip. Or is it the other way around? Together, though, they totally work.

    I hate when my husband slides his dry feet on the wood floors. That scuffing sound. eeee.

    I hate watching movies with excessively sweaty people wearing linen suits.

    Spitting. Turns my stomach.

  • At 8:00 PM, Blogger Kimberly said…

    Flip and pithy is fun sometimes.

    I'm with you on the fingernail thing, but not for the same reason. I just can't stand how they feel when I run my other fingers over the tips. Ew.


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