The Team Mom Saga Continues

This is a footnote of sorts to my Blasphemous Rumors post.

It's a small world, er, city. Because we live in such a large, sprawling suburban area, and because my husband works in a suburb about 30 miles from where we live on the opposite side of the city, he doesn't often encounter people we know from our neighborhood, our very limited social circle, or our extracurricular activities. Nor does he ecounter people with whom we share common acquaintances. I do, occasionally when I'm out and about, but it isn't a common occurrance. Unless you live in an area like ours, it's hard to understand how unlikely that really is. It's one reason I loathe where we live. There is no sense of community here.

But I digress, if one can do so without having reached the point to begin with.

The other day, a co-worker asked husband how baseball was going. He knows Husband is very involved with the boys' teams and that baseball consumes our lives during much of the year. Husband told him it was fine, other than some drama with the team Mom. The co-worker inquired about the situation and Husband, while explaining, happened to mention her first name, which is somewhat unusual. The co-worker did a double take and said "You don't mean Popeye and Olive Oyl SMITH, do you?" Husband, taken aback, said, "Yeah, you know them?"

The co-worker snorted and confirmed that he certainly did know them. For a moment, Husband was afraid he had put his foot in his mouth, thinking they may be friends, or at least friendly acquaintances.

There was an awkward silence and then the co-worker said, "Man...they are just WEIRD."

Relieved, Husband asked him to elaborate. The co-worker explained that they used to go to church with Popeye and Olive Oyl. He said that Popeye, while introverted to the point of being a little creepy, is a nice enough guy. Olive Oyl, however, is a huge drama queen. He said that every single week she would stand up and tearfully beg the congregation to pray for her and some new issue that had developed. Every week she was embroiled in some crisis. If there was controversy or drama, chances are, she was right smack dab in the middle of it. And, she was forever getting her feelings hurt over the most innocuous little comments or ascribing malicious motives to completely innocent actions. She is the kind of person that keeps others on tenterhooks in her presence because one never knows what will set her off or when.

Well. That explains it then. It's not me. Whoda thunk it.

So that's good to know, but unfortunately, the situation is escalating. I am realizing that she is a truth stretcher, if not an outright liar, and instead of simply admitting she doesn't know something, or making an effort to find out, she makes up some elaborate explanation or excuse.

For instance, one child got the wrong sized shirt. These shirts shrink a lot, and so if it's already too small, its going to be really too small after it's washed. The kid's mother asked Olive for another shirt and was told that they had no more. Olive told her that she could order another one, but she would have to pay for it. This is a bald faced lie. The company that does the uniforms for our park keeps a huge stash of these shirts in their warehouse because all the kids in all age divisions wear the same shirt for fall ball, and just have caps and colored stockings to differentiate teams. The gal that orders uniforms for the park always sets aside a day for exchanges. All you have to do is show up and make the exchange. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I've done it a dozen times. If you miss the date, which I've also done, you simply call her up and set up a time and place to meet that is convenient. Often it is at the ballpark since most of us live there during baseball season anyway. There is no charge for the exchange. It couldn't be more simple. Why lie?

The Mom, frustrated, came to me. She was on our team in the Spring when I was team Mom. I don't want to step on Olive's toes. I really don't. So, I told her to tell Olive that all she had to do was call Uniform Lady and request another shirt. She should have Uniform Lady's number, but if not, it's on the League website under "Board Members". I told her if Olive gave her any more problems that I would get her another shirt.

Due to several other issues, other parents have also figured out that Olive isn't always entirely truthful and that she would rather make stuff up than look like she doesn't know, or actually find a solution. They have also figured out that I know stuff and can get things done, so they have started coming to me when they have problems or when they need information. This really pisses her off, and she has gone from ignoring me, to being openly hostile.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to horn in on Olive's status as Team Mom, but I also don't want to not help people when they need it. Especially when they've already been to Olive with their problem and she has brushed them off. I think things are going to have to come to a head and explode. I don't have a problem with confrontation, but frankly, between what I've been told and what I read on her "Testimony" website, I'm a little afraid of her. Not her, exactly, but how she might react if we have to have it out. I can say with a fair amount of certainty that it will not be a rational, civilized exchange.

I don't know if all this is a result of her mental illness or not. My youngest sister is much the same way, although not to the degree that Olive is, and she is not mentally ill. She is the youngest of us three, and I think that has driven her need for constant attention and validation. There's something to all that birth order stuff, I believe. Anyway, I don't think it really makes a difference why Olive is the way she is, except that I worry about how a confrontation between us will affect her mental health. I know from reading her website that her grip on stability is very tenuous, although that may be exaggerated.

This whole experience has led to wonder about how and why and how people who suffer from profound debilitating mental illness make the decision to have children. It makes me think of Andrea Yates and brings to mind a whole host of really convoluted issues regarding mental illness and parenting. If anyone has any thoughts they'd like to share, please feel free. I do have some experience with mental illness, but it's from a distant perspective. My youngest sister's boyfriend of many, may years is severely mentally ill and I've seen some of the struggles they face, but they have no children. The only people who are affected by his mood swings, paranoia, extreme anxiety and manic/depressive cycles are the two of them. I'd like to do a piece on this topic at some point, and I'd appreciate any insight you can offer.